Transcript
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Whatever the thing is that you're not doing now that you want to do, you've got to stand up for yourself, advocate for yourself and ask, and if they say no, it's okay.
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Dust yourself off.
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No hard feelings.
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Go to the next person, do the hard things, face the fears that are innately going to come, and if they don't come, it's probably not hard enough.
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That's what I always tell my 18 and 20-year-old daughters.
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Like put your big girl pants on shipping girl band sign.
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You're not made of sugar, you won't melt.
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Get out there.
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What is going on?
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L and m family.
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I'm just gonna tell you, like the big teaser, I got a superstar today for y'all welder ted women session leader, five summit climber, gu Guinness World Record holder, yale alum.
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And I know there's a list of other stuff that I didn't write down and probably a bigger, more gigantic list coming in the future.
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But we're going to get to know Miss Demi Knight Clark and she ain't messing around.
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And she ain't messing around.
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She's out there waking up the suits in their boardrooms with her plan to recruit the next generation of welders super, super, super fast.
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And she ain't doing it like the rest of us have been doing, running the same play over and over.
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She's riding her own place.
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So I can't wait to get to know her a little bit more.
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And if you're new here, this is the Learnings and Missteps podcast, where you get to see how real people just like you are sharing their gifts and talents to leave this world better than they found it.
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My name is Jesse, your selfish servant, and let's get to meet Miss Demi Knight-Clark.
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Miss Demi, how are you?
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I'm good and it sounds so formal when you say my whole name, but I go by my whole name and it's probably for first off.
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I love the.
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Do the damn thing.
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It's very much my style.
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She's kind of like put on the big girl pants.
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That's what I always tell my 18 and 20 year old daughters like, put your big girl pants on, you're not made of sugar, you won't melt, get out there.
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So I live in the South, not DFW South, but the other South, in the Carolina side, some more East coast South, cause I know there's a difference and I don't want to get everybody mad where they're like.
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We're in the Texas.
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South too, but we use middle names a lot so people are like, is that a Southern thing?
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And my grandmother was actually that was her maiden name and she was the one that was a Rosie and one of the first female Marines in World War II and she started to fight the patriarchy from the 1940s of before.
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It was even really a thing, much like her being a welter and a riveter and all the other things, but she was a knight and she got married and she was like I will always be knight and I want all the girls in my family first born Just if you were a junior I want them to have this name and so myself I've continued.
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I'm a Knight.
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My daughter, my firstborn daughter, is.
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My cousin is a Knight, Her firstborn daughter is, so it's kind of a cool tradition.
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My daughters, I hope they continue it.
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Now, it's way cooler to just be like you can take a name, but it's more of a.
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This is a honor of.
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We don't take our other maiden names, we keep Knight, but it does.
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It does sound a little formal that when people say and I'm like it's very official, I think it's intriguing, it's a school night, right, every kid gets made fun of.
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We were talking about our ages before you hit record.
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And I'm 47, almost 48, self-identifying, can't wait for the Molly Shannon.
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I'm 50 years old in a couple of years, but I'm dating myself in terms of when I grew up, of feral Gen Xer, because we watched Knight Rider and Kit, so all the little kids in school would be like Knight Rider.
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Whenever a teacher would say that and I hated it growing up I loved it but I hated it I was like oh, but they'll make a name to make fun of out of anything.
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Yes, like my name, my proper name is Jesus and, similarly to you when I introduced myself, when I'm out public speaking and stuff, I'll introduce myself as Jesus Hernandez.
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Everybody knows me as Jesse.
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Call me Jesse, but I do that because my mom heard me introduced as Jesse at a thing?
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Oh, that's not good.
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Yeah, oh, exactly, I was a girl.
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Yeah, I named you.
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No, part of the reason I transitioned to Jesse was because when I was a kid man, they tore me up Jesus the moose, jesus the caboose, like they gave it to me, yeah.
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Yeah, I was dummy, demi, that was oh no, that's not nice yeah.
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I mean, how derogatory or like demi is half in french.
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So they'd be like you're half, I'm like oh, that was a good one.
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Like yeah, good job, yeah, but yeah, I don't know where the dummy, it's just alliteration and I think actually I took that one to heart though, because I was always the smartest kid in the class, meaning I wanted to, so I always want to be out of the class.
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So to say that was like, really derogatory, I took that one to bed at night, being like I'm not going to be Debbie tomorrow.
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Maybe that's part of it now.
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I mean, who knows Right, it stuck with you Like you got to keep slaying and keep making things happen.
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So I know that the L&M family wants to know, of all the things that you've conquered, which ones have you learned the most from?
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Oh yeah, that's I mean.
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I think everyone has an answer for this and I hope everyone asks that question because it's a great question to ask yourself before you're not on the earth anymore.
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It's not a lot I mean a lot, but I would say from a personal level, I remember I had my kids are 18 and 20 years old now and so I had them when I was 27 and 29.
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And I was a young manager in home building and it was the housing crisis.
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It was 2004 and 2006.
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Those of us were ancient enough to remember that time and be in management positions and.
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I remember for my second daughter.
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I mean, I just this is kind of women in the industry.
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I think, especially at that time and I know it still continues today, depending on where there's a bigger delta of women in the space, especially in leadership was I used to get in my truck or my car and be like going to job sites and say I'm gonna be cleaner, faster, stronger, better.
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Cleaner, faster, stronger, better.
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And I kept working as much as I could.
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This was really before.
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This was by choice.
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By the way, it wasn't my employer saying, hey, you need to get out there when you're eight months pregnant and be on job sites and all the things.
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But I was just like, oh, I'm cleaner, faster, stronger, better.
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I'm even going to take on pregnancy and you're not even going to see me like bat an eyelash.
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And I remember not the waiting room, but it was like after they give you a room and I was going to be induced.
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But they were like walk the halls, that's going to help everything, start the process.
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And I remember walking the halls and I was on a BlackBerry and people were like are you crazy?
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right now.
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We know you were admitted to the hospital.
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What are you doing?
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And I almost saw it as this badge of well, nobody else can be me, nobody else can do this.
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And that led to a couple of times of burnout.
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And I don't think I think that's gender agnostic Everyone can get burnout, so it's not just women, but I think we're more susceptible to it, especially if we're in industries where you feel like you've got to be cleaner, faster, stronger, better.
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So that was a huge learning experience.
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And then being in the middle of all of that chaos, of taking on four people's jobs as layoffs were happening and saying I'm a little toaster, I'll take another one.
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It was both the best time of my life and the worst time of my life because I learned so much as a leader.
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I was able to get into operations, I was able to get to understand the financials way better in the P&L and I was in rooms that you would die to get in those rooms or before the crisis, but at the same time, I was getting carded at my daycare, like my husband, thank goodness.
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We're definitely a 50-50 relationship and always have been.
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I don't think I could have married anything else, but he was picking them up and I remember going one time and they were like can we see your ID?
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Cause we don't know you.
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And that's my joke is I got carded at my daycare Like who gets that?
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Especially the mom.
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There's all this pressure on mom, so that was a bad day.
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That was a really bad day.
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I literally was like what am I going to do with this?
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Is this my benchmark and yardstick of success, as I gave up my family and I think that again, that was mid-2000s and here we are 2024.
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And I'm still hearing moms say that it's a much more acceptable environment to be addressed.
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And I know a lot of companies are addressing it, but I wish 100% of them had addressed it by now.
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So I think those just because you kind of led in with the mom thing and just so we can move on to other questions because I could give you like 10 examples, but the other one would be more of my running side.
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But before that I want to give the LNM family member shout out.
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This one is to Mr Jim Guntorious.
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Super awesome, I'm a fan of Jim.
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He's doing big things in the DFW area and Jim sent me this note.
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He said Jess, I don't know how you do all the things that you do.
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We can't thank you enough for what you've done, not only with the last event, but over the last couple of years.
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Without the do, the damn thing thought in my head breakthrough builders may have never happened.
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Your ripples of impact travel a lot further than you may think, jim.
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Thank you so much for that.
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My brother, as you grow, we grow.
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As one grows, we all grow, and I appreciate all the contributions you're making into the world and folks, the rest of the family out there.
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Drop me a comment, leave a review, whatever, get at me so that I can celebrate your comment on the future podcast.
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So I have the six star medal and again, like all this stuff, I'm just in the evolution now of being able to own everything I've done and I want everyone that to take that away from today.
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It's not about and this is especially women and again I don't want to take the women's stance on everything that we talk about today but it's just we grow up without the self-confidence They've done all the research on that to say that girls don't go into STEM if they don't feel confident and if they're not reinforced or they're not introduced the same way as boys.
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So we need to pay attention to that.
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It is very real and then we're harder on ourselves.
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So, like it's just compounded with that.
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So I see that a lot of my speaking life and my consulting life now when I'm traveling the country, is a lot of women will they have doctorates.
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They have crazy resumes that may or may not be on their LinkedIn bio because they're like, well, it's a little too braggy.
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There's actually a book like brag more where women just need to do that, but I think that's everybody right now is if you've gotten a degree, if you've gotten the accreditation, if you've run the race, if you've done the mountain, if you've sailed the world, whatever the thing is that you were like I was passionate enough to go do that.
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That's all that's you.
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It's not bragging.
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In my opinion, it's more of saying that's going to start questions like you're asking me of oh, tell me more about that.
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It's just sparking curiosity and community with people, which I think we need community more than ever.
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So yeah, I did my six star medal, which was my first one, which is running all the six world majors.
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Now there's a seventh.
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So I was just going to ask.
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Okay, can't wait for that, but I thought I was done at six.
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It will be nine, by the way, if anybody's interested in running, but that'll take a little longer.
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But yeah, and so Boston was one of my first in 2013.
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And I happened to be one of the last five timed and scored finishers as the first detonation went off to my left and my kids and my husband they were seven and nine.
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They were in the public library stands because I had fundraised enough for a charity to where they got VIP seats.
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And yeah, I think that was one of my darkest moments just being a human of everything, you see, everything that happened, and then coming out of there not only with your own PTSD and the kids' PTSD, it was really one of the first trigger incidents in the US.
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That was really national, I hate to say.
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There's been many more since then, but marathons are much safer these days, which is helpful.
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I wish we didn't have to learn what we had to learn that day.
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But it was not only the PTSD part of it, but it was also the survivor's guilt which, for a type A person was even harder to deal with than anything else and, honestly, the most amazing thing that had happened to me was I'm a military family myself.
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I was born at West Point, my dad was a West Pointer, my brother was a West Pointer.
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Most of the people in my family were in the military at some point in their life, if not retired military, because they were career in it, and I just happened to be doing a health coaching set with 101st Airborne while they were downrange in Afghanistan, all at different forward operating bases, and they were the first ones to start communicating.
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When they got the news, one was in typical military fashion, before they really knew what had happened, they saw my time and they were like you couldn't beat four hours Cause I was like right at the front, that is a military family right there.
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You couldn't get better than that.
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And then I think, once they process oh wow, something happened there.
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They were like you've been through the first trigger incident and this is what you need to do to get through that.
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And so I can understand now not anything about what it's like to be in war or what it's like to be in those really heavy areas of places that we are deployed in, many places that are places of conflict, but understanding how they come back and how our society has a tendency to shrink people.
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Let's go through the psychological breakdown process when they were the first ones to tell me like nope, you have the fourth box in your head.
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It's a box that if it's not good for your family, it's not good for you and it's not good for humanity.
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You keep that nastiness locked up in that box and you never have to unpack it.
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And once somebody gave me kind of permission to do that, I was like one.
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You're a street cred.
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So if you tell me that I probably try it and you look pretty good for all that you've seen in eight deployments or this historical level of deployments we've had, and then yeah, it worked where I was like, if it's just horrible memories or things that you're like, I still can't fathom a seven year old child right Next.
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That's not something you have to repurpose and relive constantly, or like people are just morbidly curious and it's just a natural instinct.
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So I can't fault them for that.
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But I remember being and this is the last story I tell, I promise I remember being at my so the therapist that they assigned to us the BAA, the Boston Athletic Association, was really nice and associated therapists with a lot of the people that were there, who was a volunteer thing, and I was like absolutely I have kids, I don't know how to walk through this, and I said get it physically out of your kids, just let them run, scream, do all the things and then go to school with them.
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They knew I had elementary school age kids and so I went to the lunches.
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So if people have kids, you kind of understand like we go have lunch with your kids, sometimes they'll put you that their schools put them on the stage and you're with all the parents and all the thing.
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And I just remember going to my youngest.
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She was seven and so I was a little more concerned about her and I went a couple of times, like once a week for a couple of weeks, and one of the last weeks I went a mom just felt and again, I can't falter for it.
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It's just like this natural thing that people do when there's these tragedies.
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She was like what was it like?
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Did you see a lot of blood?
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And I mean there were like five kids around us and I was like, lady, and this was 2013.
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So I mean, I feel like we have so much more social media that has completely, like we're so desensitized at this point.
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It was kind of the early stages of that where I'm like I'm not telling you any of this in front of any of these children, and so I just made that conscious choice then of being like this fourth box is real and it's okay to like before there was really boundaries to really say you've got to just for your own mental health, like, have boundaries with people and say yeah you can't fault them because it's just this natural instinct to ask or to look or to go to the website when somebody's look somebody died and you're like why am I wanting to do this?
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or like me with true crime.
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I still watch true crime after covid and my kids are like what is with the serial killers?
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And I'm like I think it's this curiosity of being like did it get solved?
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There's something in humanity of being like I just want to know they solved this case and like those people get justice.
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So anyway, but I know it's more from a place like that, but it was still like I have to create boundaries.
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So those are probably the two biggest that stand out to me.
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But I mean, it's a life of lessons, right, or a week every week.
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Yes, for sure.
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So thank you for that, because those are huge.
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Let the kids get it out of them physically.
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I think that's absolutely something.
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I don't think we train that enough.
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Yeah, I was lucky for them to get, because I've used that multiple times with them when there's been just stuff they don't understand or things they couldn't control.
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I know we were talking about control before this and I think all of us have control issues to a certain extent.
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Right, because when you lose control, you lose any kind of like foundational.
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I got my stuff together, and so kids.
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I think we forget that with them and we're in this new generation I talk about this a lot too is there's three terms for it now?
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There's helicopter parenting, there's snowplow parenting and then there's lighthouse parenting, and I wish I'm sorry, whatever scientist, book writer, author came up with this.
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I could credit you.
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I don't.
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We could Google it right now.
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It's fairly recent, but we know helicopter, I mean that's the.
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you're just hovering and like absolutely hovering Snowplow is.
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I've actually done this.
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I've always been like I'm not a helicopter parent which I'm not but I definitely have fallen into the snowplow category before, which is busting the barriers out of the way for your kids, because who doesn't want that right Like, at the end of the day, why should they not go through the same stupid lessons we did, or bullying we did, or the thing?
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So I think that one's a fine line.
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I think all of us have been who our parents have been some type of snowplow at some point or another.
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Or a kid pushes them down on the soccer field and you're like, oh, no like we're having this with that.
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I'm just not going to be like oh, that's snowplow parenting.
00:17:00.302 --> 00:17:08.839
But really I guess the pinnacle of this is what everyone should shoot for is this lighthouse where literally you just have the light on for them and you are kind of this calming influence.
00:17:09.040 --> 00:17:11.362
Find your way back when they need it Light the path.
00:17:11.461 --> 00:17:14.109
But yeah, I think that's a work in progress for all of us.
00:17:14.250 --> 00:17:22.684
But yeah, I mean, I don't think kids are allowed to just run it out and play it out, and we see it in the trades where they just don't know how to use their hands.
00:17:22.684 --> 00:17:32.593
I'm continually I don't say shocked anymore because I'm not shocked, I'm not surprised we are a self-fulfilling prophecy of there's a lot of benefits for them to have these and to be using them.
00:17:32.593 --> 00:17:33.846
And they can I watch it with my own kids.
00:17:33.846 --> 00:17:35.707
They can assimilate things so quickly.
00:17:35.707 --> 00:17:50.721
I mean, they're on my version of Google Docs and they're like what is this when it's done?
00:17:50.721 --> 00:17:52.346
Or they've come up with some graphic in Canva that it took me a million years.
00:17:52.366 --> 00:17:58.105
There's like such positive advancements we've made and we will continue to make with technology, but we really did just throw out all the bath water of saying hands-on activities and now the pendulum swings.
00:17:58.105 --> 00:18:03.304
So now the pendulum is swinging back and hopefully we just don't have enough calls to action.
00:18:03.304 --> 00:18:07.733
I don't think and we're not connecting the dots to what you were talking about in my intro of saying like solving it differently.
00:18:07.733 --> 00:18:31.221
The funny thing is I don't think I'm solved, I'm just rehashing things that we saw in the 80s and maybe into the 90s and generations previous, and saying, ok, it can't be the exact same way as that because we are more technologically advanced, but do that thing or that practice, just turn it on its ear a bit and get kids with power tools in their hands, and so that's.
00:18:31.221 --> 00:18:33.049
I think that's the curiosity with parents right now that there's just not enough outlets.
00:18:33.049 --> 00:18:35.220
When we do say that to them, you have to give them resources to be able to do that.
00:18:35.720 --> 00:18:39.510
Yeah that's kind of a bigger piece that I'm on in terms of fight the good fight.
00:18:40.339 --> 00:18:41.980
Yeah, and I'm with you there.
00:18:41.980 --> 00:18:49.744
The helicopter parenting thing, I think is also because that became kind of the norm, right and so construction.
00:18:49.744 --> 00:18:51.125
There's a lot of risk.
00:18:51.125 --> 00:18:59.888
You can bust your hand, burn your hand, burn your, and if you're a helicopter parent, no way I'm going to let you get close to getting a smudge on your shirt.
00:18:59.888 --> 00:19:01.349
Much less cutting your body open.
00:19:01.349 --> 00:19:02.191
Much less cutting your body open.
00:19:02.191 --> 00:19:03.611
There's a lot of opportunity there.
00:19:03.611 --> 00:19:07.992
But you use the word that I've never heard added to the combination.
00:19:07.992 --> 00:19:09.693
So we're going to come back to this.
00:19:09.693 --> 00:19:13.175
But you said cleaner, better, faster, stronger.
00:19:13.175 --> 00:19:14.516
Why cleaner?
00:19:14.516 --> 00:19:19.259
Because that's the first time I've ever heard that in the combination of better, faster, stronger.
00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:23.123
Yeah, I want to say it was in a movie, I don't know what eighties movie.
00:19:23.123 --> 00:19:26.388
It would have been in something like a vision quest, because I was always an athlete.
00:19:27.029 --> 00:19:27.431
And so.
00:19:27.652 --> 00:19:28.733
I think cleaner to me.
00:19:28.733 --> 00:19:30.605
So when I say cleaner, faster, I still say it.
00:19:30.605 --> 00:19:35.127
By the way, even when I'm running, if I'm like doing a marathon or something, I'm like cleaner, faster, stronger, better you got this.
00:19:35.127 --> 00:19:36.780
It's just this mantra at this point.
00:19:36.780 --> 00:19:44.493
But the cleaner it's been a journey with this saying because when it started it was really.
00:19:44.493 --> 00:19:45.840
I was title nine in sports.
00:19:45.840 --> 00:19:47.586
I had really great guy friends.
00:19:47.586 --> 00:19:55.200
I actually joke about it all the time that I kind of had to buy my, my girlfriends in college by joining a sorority more naturally inclined.
00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:58.595
And I mean, ask any women in trades or really male industries.
00:19:58.595 --> 00:20:03.310
They chose these industries for a reason, because they just felt a little more penchant to going that direction.
00:20:03.310 --> 00:20:08.190
And even with the things where you feel on your own, you still feel more comfortable in those societies.
00:20:08.190 --> 00:20:14.592
So for me it was more about being able to say it not to their face, but I have to do things clean execution.
00:20:14.592 --> 00:20:18.224
So it's not like having a clean house, it's more of saying okay, you're an athlete.
00:20:18.265 --> 00:20:19.066
It's a clean play.
00:20:19.066 --> 00:20:21.189
It's a clean throw execution.
