Journey of Transformation: Construction & Meditation

Track 1: 0:00

I don't feel like our stories are very uncommon. In the construction industry, but I would agree with you that most people who have our stories aren't on social media talking about it. but. There are some tools that I now have at my disposal

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 0:17

where did it come from though? Like why were you compelled? To put up this armor I'm a badass, don't mess with me'cause I'm gonna take you down.

Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone): 0:27

Oh man, I got a good one for you. And if you want to hear the answer to that question, just stick around and listen to the rest of my conversation with my buddy, Mr. Matt Oley, who I met through the LinkedIn and he's proven to be a very influential man, really dedicated or committed to Spreading the word about mental wellness, mindfulness, and this sort of thing that is desperately needed in our industry. And not just in the construction industry, like in all industries. through the conversation, he shares about the tools for dealing with the struggles of life. The tools that he uses, that I happen to use a couple of them myself. and I think maybe naturally we end up having this conversation around breaking free from addiction because he and I are both on a different path than we used to be. and on the path that we're on now, meditation has become a part of his life and my life. And I took the opportunity to ask him a little bit more of like simple how to meditate because you hear it a lot, right? Focus on your breath, just do these things. But if you've never tried it before, it's, it's a wonky experience. Like you don't know if you're doing it right or wrong. Even if somebody's watching you, it's very difficult to come to terms with. what meditating is, what it should feel like, what you should be thinking about, and all of these other weird things. Um, so we do give some like super practical, actionable steps that you can put into practice right away in terms of building your meditation game. And I'm looking forward to the takeaways that you'll get, that have contributed to Matt's path to success and living a more fulfilling life. And before that, I want to shout out LnM Family member, Mr. Brian Buckingham. Brian left me this awesome review After participating in the virtual Sweat Equity Improvement Session. Brian says, Jesse keeps you interested. He creates a team atmosphere with open communication. He invites the team to ask questions and get multiple perspectives from the group. You can tell he knows his work and loves what he does. Everyone will grow from the SQI experience. Brian, I appreciate you deeply, man. I know you've been an advocate for me and shouting me out out there in the world. You're part of the country. Uh, for the rest of the LnM family, I would appreciate it if you took the time to go in and leave a review on the Apple or a like and a follow on the YouTube. Or more importantly, share this episode with somebody that you know could benefit from the life lessons that our buddy Matt shares. And here we go. You about to get a whole bunch of Matt Ohley

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 3:27

What is going on l and m family? I am here with the, what should we say? The man on a meteoric rise. Mr. Matt Oley. Well, I say meteoric rise but I'm sure. That you've been hard at it making a difference in people's lives long before you came across my LinkedIn feed. How accurate is that?

Track 1: 3:52

I would like to think so. not so much in the social media world, but just in personal relationships with people, man, just being honest with them and trying to help other people. not necessarily take the missteps I took Right?

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 4:08

Yeah. A lot of the content that I've been able to see, like that you post and then some of the interviews I've been able to hear you on I'm like, okay, I think my buddy Matt and I got some things in common here that most people. That are active on social media, I, they don't share the same type of experiences. What do you think? No,

Track 1: 4:31

I would agree with that man. And especially after listening to your audiobook. I think I may have a chapter or two of that left. Dude I, I, my, my a DD man, I'm like, I, I'll go from what I think. I may have a chapter or two of your audiobook left. But once I started listening to, I'm like, dang, bro this guy is, I don't feel like our stories are very uncommon. In the construction industry, but I would agree with you that most people who have our stories aren't on social media talking about it.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 5:02

Truth. Truth, So Ben, you mentioned you kind of roll a certain way. That I appreciate, and when I say that, what I'm talking about is like vulnerable, transparent, real, That's just how I'm, I think the first time I read one of your posts I was like, this is so good. This boy can't be fronted. This is, this gotta be real. And I said, let me see the next one. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. And then, you started coming out more and more. I'm like, oh yeah, this dude's like down, down. And I don't know that a lot of people can pick up on it. And we'll talk about the social media stuff'cause that's feels like it's this new life that just blew up on you. But I wanna learn what led up to that, where did all of that come from? And so maybe to help the l and m family out there understand. What do they really need to know about you that's difficult to capture in on a LinkedIn or Insta Post?

Track 1: 5:59

I like how you say it. You're like, man, this guy's down, down. Like he's real. that's it, man. I still struggle. I still struggle. emotionally, mentally, like that's the big thing I'm on, and I feel like that's. that's the core of what I'm trying to get across. As I tell stories, as I write posts, as I talk with people, whether I'm on other podcasts or whatever else dude, I am. I do not have it figured out,

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 6:28

it figured

Track 1: 6:29

but. There are a few things I've picked up along the way. There are some tools that I now have at my disposal that have radically changed the way I face the struggles of life, and I just wanna be an evangelist for those. You know what I mean? And be hey, look, like I, I tried a lot of the common stuff, man. like the stuff you hear all the time, you know, talk to a therapist, which I still do. I don't see anything wrong with talking to the therapist. I still do that and that's helpful. know, there there were some things for me that really just shifted everything and that was, know, getting into. Mindfulness and meditation and stuff really just radically transformed. It was paradigm shifting for me, man. I, I think that's, to answer your question of what do people really need to know, maybe about me that doesn't come through is I'm just a real dude, man. I'm a real ass dude that's got real ass struggles just like everybody else. I like like, I don't have time to. I, I shouldn't say I don't have time. Like I don't want to just put on this persona. I don't wanna put on this mask and like be somebody that I'm not, because I did that for long time and I got tired of it.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 7:45

Yeah. So you say you did that for a long time. What did that look like when you were doing that back in the day? What were the surroundings? What were the experiences? What were your contributions like back then?

Track 1: 8:00

So I just had a conversation with somebody the other day, and I can't remember. I'm talking to so many people anymore, which is super cool. I don't even know how this is happening, but like I carried myself around. I'm not a big dude. I'm five six.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 8:13

Same, yep. Um,

Track 1: 8:14

you know, not, not a big guy. but I carried myself. Like people people would come up to me like when I was still going to bars and stuff, know, you'd meet somebody and many times

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 8:26

times

Track 1: 8:27

it's happened to me that somebody would come up, know, and after the conversation for a little bit, they'd be like, you're not who I thought you were.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 8:34

Okay.

Track 1: 8:34

because I carried myself like I was a badass. like, like I was some, I, I was a concrete man by trade, so I, one of my favorite lines, and I got this from an old mixer truck driver years ago, was, man, I poured more concrete than you walked on. You know what I like this tough construction guy who, was ready to throw hands if I needed to. And like that was this persona that I felt like I had to keep up, and it's, uh, and and it's so many guys in the trades, right? I now, don't get me wrong, uh, maybe most of'em will throw hands. What you have.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 9:11

will throw

Track 1: 9:11

and don't get me wrong, like there were those days where, it, it did get a little wild myself, but I had to like, feel like I was this big guy. Not'cause I wasn't physically big, so I had to exude this energy that like, don't mess with me.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 9:31

don't mess with

Track 1: 9:32

what I mean? Like, I'm that guy. Um, and Anymore, man. That's, dude, that's long

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 9:37

that's long gone. Yeah. So why, where did it come from though? Like why were you compelled? To put up this armor I'm a badass, don't mess with me'cause I'm gonna take you down.

Track 1: 9:49

me. I think, um, know, because I did probably catch some bullying.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 9:54

Okay.

Track 1: 9:55

a, as a kid, I was always the smallest guy in class. I was always the smallest guy in my neighborhood, like I still remember I was like four foot

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 10:04

my freshman

Track 1: 10:04

year, like I was a little dude, I don't want to get all too off in the weeds necessarily, but I feel like. There's a book out there, man, that some people would probably appreciate and maybe some not by Justin Baldoni called man, enough, undefining, my masculinity.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 10:22

Ooh, okay.

Track 1: 10:23

and he talks about, I'll keep it PG here'cause I think I should, but he talks about the stuff. That all boys are raised with broad brushing. A kid. Of course, most boys, you gotta be tall, you gotta be strong, you gotta be handsome, you've gotta be with a lot of women. Certain parts of you need to be large. Sorry. But it's like this is the stuff growing up as boys that we all hear And so I had to put on this front, I feel because I didn't meet a lot of those standards, I wasn't tall, I wasn't muscular. mean, I started hitting, going to the gym and lifting weights. So I'd get bigger, and and women weren't very interested with me'cause I was shorter than

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 11:11

of them.

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them.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 11:12

Yep.

Track 1: 11:13

You know what I mean? So like I had to develop this

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 11:17

persona

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of, at least I can be tough then.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 11:21

Yeah.

Track 1: 11:22

Or, or wild or the, it, Matt's always gonna take it to another level. if we're out doing something a little nefarious, Matt's gonna take it to the whole nother level. man. you guys only thought you were crazy until I showed up. it's now it's getting real wild. just, I felt like I was overcompensating,

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 11:43

man. Yeah, man. I, You know what I mean? That, I think that's the perfect word because I've done it. It's still out there. We see people overcompensating putting out all kinds of damn energy trying to show up like something they really aren't. And for me, when I was living that way, it was all wasted energy. What do you think? You think it's like a good investment of energy or energy that would

Track 1: 12:12

no,

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 12:13

spent somewhere else? No, I

Track 1: 12:15

I would most definitely be better spent somewhere else, man.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 12:18

And that's what I'm doing anymore. And so what, that energy goes into other stuff. Did you just go watch the matrix and decide, okay, I wanna be awakened, I wanna start meditating. What caused that spark for

Track 1: 12:30

Ooh.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 12:31

to get down that path?

Track 1: 12:32

See, I knew I was gonna need some scuba gear'cause you don't play I knew you wasn't gonna let me water ski. Um,

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 12:39

man,

Track 1: 12:40

I've had, uh, had a lot of relationship issues. I have not been, know, that whole persona I was talking about stayed on at home. Too. I didn't take it off when I came home.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 12:52

Yep.

Track 1: 12:53

So I've had a lot of issues along those sides that, that I own. Chiefly mine truly. I have not been an easy man to live with,

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 13:05

or to

Track 1: 13:05

to have children with To be married to.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 13:08

Yep. And More

Track 1: 13:12

than once

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 13:12

it's

Track 1: 13:13

come crashing down on me. and that doesn't mean through multiple relationships, but more than once. my wife has said. I'm done with You can't do it anymore.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 13:22

Yeah.

Track 1: 13:23

And the last time that took place, it crushed me and it always crushed me. But what I used to do was go out drinking and drug and, and trying to find women and trying to fill that hole and numb that pain. And not to say I didn't do a little bit of that. but I got to a point where like I looked myself in the mirror and I'm like, bro, you're 40 something years old, man.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 13:53

Yeah. You

Track 1: 13:54

still dealing with your pain like you did when you were 16. dude, what are you doing? and I've been through the 12 step programs. I put myself, I've been to a couple different rehabs. I put myself into rehab back in 2010. No court order or nothing. I just went'cause I was sick of it. that still wasn't the end of it for me.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 14:17

me. Mm-Hmm.

Track 1: 14:19

know, And man, I tell you.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 14:21

Yeah, I

Track 1: 14:21

I can't say enough about and I've taught, I've, we had a podcast about it, but there was a book, and it may not resonate with other people, but it changed me. And that's the Power of now by Eckhart. Tolle.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 14:34

Yep.

Track 1: 14:36

And in that first chapter when he says, you are not your mind, something that was it. Something went off in me

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 14:48

and I

Track 1: 14:49

I went, wait a minute.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 14:51

Like I am

Track 1: 14:52

not my mind. Like all this stuff that's always going on here is not me. Well, what? Who am I then? and what is this?

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 15:03

Yeah.

Track 1: 15:03

And So through. Just getting involved in meditation practices and becoming the, what he calls like the watcher of your thoughts. And this is all very, it's, I it's really steeped in, eastern real, eastern spirituality or whatever, know, Buddhism, that kind of stuff. Though I wouldn't consider myself a Buddhist.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 15:26

but

Track 1: 15:26

but this idea of quieting the mind and Entering into just stillness

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 15:34

and

Track 1: 15:34

watching your thoughts rather than being ran by your thoughts. Life changing, man, life changing for me, but that's what brought me up to that point is I got sick of the drinking and the drug and, and everything that I had done for damn near 30 years

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 15:56

To

Track 1: 15:57

try to numb the pain. I said, I'm done. I'm done. I don't know what it takes, but I'm done. And somehow I came across that book and that was one of the beginnings. yeah, there was a couple other things in there

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 16:09

too, but

Track 1: 16:11

that, that,

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 16:11

one. Those were the,

Track 1: 16:12

are those

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 16:12

the highlights. Yeah, man. No, I appreciate that. I, I know you had a conversation with hoots and I think also with James Gable, right? Like y'all did the conversation about in the now. Which I still, it's interesting'cause I think some people get it and a lot of people are like, what? What are we taught? Because it could be a hard concept to grasp. I think the big takeaway for me is rather, how I, how it, how I can relate to it is one of the times I was in rehab court ordered, by the way, like I wasn't being a nice guy, the judge, I was motivated by the state of Texas. And I came across the book, but I was going to outpatient rehab and a buddy of mine recommended the book by Viktor Frankl, man's Search For Meaning, and I was reading it. It was really, it's a powerful book, but there was one half a quote in there that totally switched my trajectory. It was one of those milestones where. It was a hard left because it had to be, and it, and the quote goes something like this. There's a space between stimulus and response, and within that space lies our power to choose. And the more we choose, the bigger the space becomes. Like when I read that, at that point in time. I was on probation because I had bad luck. I was on probation because the cops were picking on me, right? Like I was going out and tearing up, going out on a bender because she made me mad, right? Like it was everybody else's fault. When I read that, it's no, stupid. It is all you fool. Same thing, like I'm, I was reacting to my thoughts to these things that were playing in my head and I didn't need to react to them. I could pause and watch them, like you said the watcher of our thoughts. So I wanna give the l and m family out there some practical step because I'm a huge advocate of meditation and I also know. It's not the easiest damn thing in the world and it ain't about Lotus position and having a namaste. It's not about that. So simple, practical, first time you try to do it, what would you suggest to people focus on if it's their first rep to, to start down this path?

Track 1: 18:47

Focus on your breath And where I started was with what they call the four seven eight method. So I would breathe in through, there's a great book. I'm always gonna drop books. Corey Mascara's got a book called Stop Missing Your Life.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 19:03

Ooh.

Track 1: 19:04

It's all about meditation. A very practical, simple

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 19:10

book

Track 1: 19:10

about meditation. So the 4, 7, 8, 8 method. Breathe in for four seconds. hold for seven out for eight.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 19:21

Yeah,

Track 1: 19:21

And how I started was simply by doing that is I would breathe in through my nose for four seconds hold, and I would count in my head 1, 2, 7, and then

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 19:34

for

Track 1: 19:35

For eight seconds, breathe out my mouth. And I would just do that over and over again. Now it takes a minute. If you've never done it before, you're gonna breathe out in about three seconds and then you're gonna be like, dang, bro, this, the out breath's gotta be longer than the end. Like, how do gonna mess with you for a little bit, But, and there are great apps out there on, know, free apps. I think even, YouTube's got stuff out there. Guided meditations may be a good way to start. know, there, there's a bunch of that stuff. There's probably

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 20:08

meditations on Spotify and everything else. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm not a fan of the guided meditation'cause I'm like, man, I got enough

Track 1: 20:14

I'm not either.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 20:15

I don't need another one. Like

Track 1: 20:16

fair. I can't even stop the ones that are already there, man. That's what I'm trying to do. I don't need another.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 20:21

shut mouth.

Track 1: 20:24

That's so true. Now.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 20:25

it stop breathing, man. Yeah. That's it.

Track 1: 20:27

on your

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 20:28

breath. Yeah. Yeah. For me it was when it was my sponsor, I was in 12 step meetings and he's man, you start meditating. I'm like, what the, like I just stopped drinking. What do you mean, what are you talking about? Meditate. Why? what is this? And dude, like just five minutes. I'm like, oh, I could do five minutes. But man, I'll tell you, it felt like years. Because ideas, thoughts would come in my head and I would go chasing them, and the focusing on my breath after the first time, I'm like, look, dude, this is what I did. It just don't work for me. He's no. He's it's go. It's okay. that's why we wanna focus on our breath, because it gives us a focal point to refer back to. If you're chasing your idea and not focused on your breath, just come back to your breath. That's where you build the skill to detach and observe your thoughts. Come you're gonna chase'em, come back to your breath. I'm like, oh damn, okay. Like I can do that. And then, over time, more and more, spent more time doing it now, have a different routine, but very similar in terms of reconciling. What's running through my head and how I'm gonna respond to it or not. And getting centered like with today, right now. Yeah. And so you're this tough ass construction worker, long, sexy beard, and you meditate, so what was it like, how did the people, your people at work, on the job site at home. How did they respond to, in the early days of your transformation? How did they respond? What should people expect if they're going to go down this path?

Track 1: 22:15

I, I just of separated myself from everybody at first. and I'm not suggesting this is the path for anybody else to go down, but I pretty much went into some isolation for a while. and just. Because I had some demons, man. and once you start getting quiet and sitting in the stillness with yourself and you ain't got no metal or no gangster rap or no, anything like that, keeping your thoughts you, you know what I mean? Uh, I, I mean, if. Because that's another thing I figured out too, I think about myself, is that's why I always had to have some music or

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 22:55

or TV

Track 1: 22:56

or I did not wanna be alone with this.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 22:59

Oh yeah.

Track 1: 23:00

And once you start getting alone with this, look, I'm not suggesting you start meditating and just, oh man, life is peace and good and now it's just all namaste And And love and light. No, bro. go ahead and get a little quiet with yourself and find out what else you find

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 23:20

about yourself. Truth.

Track 1: 23:23

And so I think at first, for me, man, I ended up isolating for a while, man. Like I had friends and stuff. They're like, damn bro, you don't call no more. know, we don't, and I'm like, man, I'm on some different shit now, man. Like I, I gotta get, I gotta get myself, right. And that's where I think some talk therapy helped too.'cause not only was I doing meditation and mindfulness

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 23:47

and stuff,

Track 1: 23:47

know, I was talking this stuff out with a therapist because as, as I'm getting quiet with myself, I'm finding out more about myself than. It is outlier than what I thought.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 23:59

Yeah.

Track 1: 24:00

You know what I mean? I don't know mean, for me, and again, I don't that that's advice for anybody. It may not be a good thing, but that's what, that's the route I took, is I really just pulled back from the world around me.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 24:10

Yeah.

Track 1: 24:11

and started digging deep into who I really was, because I've wore this mask for so long. That persona was me. That's who I thought I was.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 24:23

I

Track 1: 24:23

thought I was that person that I portrayed to Everybody else. Come to find out I'm not that dude.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 24:33

Yeah. Yeah. And

Track 1: 24:35

and then when you start being not that dude

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 24:38

and

Track 1: 24:38

and you start talking with people, then bro, what are you

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 24:42

on? Yeah. And

Track 1: 24:43

don't know. I'm on a different.

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 24:44

been smoking, bro.

Track 1: 24:46

It's like I, I don't know what to tell you, man. I'm on a, I'm on another level now and not in a judgment way, like I'm on any kind of, but

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 24:54

life is different. My perception of life is different. Totally. So what were some of the things that you learned when you were in that? Period of solitude. What were some of the big takeaways you discovered about yourself?

Track 1: 25:07

man, you don't

jesse_1_02-12-2024_170755: 25:07

do you?

Microphone (Yeti Stereo Microphone): 25:09

Oh, you already know, I gotta do the cliffhanger thing. I've gotten a couple of folks that maybe aren't as excited about me cutting it off midway. And I'd really like to know, like, is that irritating to you or does that keep you engaged? What do you, how does that make you feel? Let me know because I'm flexible and I can certainly go back to having the full length episodes. but. I'm looking for some indicators, some signals that you would appreciate that. you know, the conversation that Matt and I had kind of took me back to not only back in the day on how I lived a very selfish life in terms of consumption and, self destructive behaviors, but also the way I used to lead groups, uh, and the way I used to practice continuous improvement. Which was also very selfish. It was really just focused on producing better outcomes, better financial results with no regard for the men and women that were doing the work. I was just trying to make them go faster. and luckily I was taken by the ear and had my head shook around, uh, by a few coaches. Bryant Sanders, David Verbal and several others out there. Um, that contributed to a shift in my thinking. around Continuous Improvement. And that shift it's totally baked into the Virtual SQI experience. So if you've been out there playing around in Continuous Improvement or practicing Lean on your construction sites, it's totally worth it. or if you've got like some talented field leadership that needs some tools or a framework to make things better for their people, and get better connected with their people, and also produce production that affect our bottom lines and our schedules, consider Virtual SQI. There's gonna be a link down there in the thing. You can sign up for the webinar to learn a little bit more about this wacky thing that I'm bringing up, or you can just sign up for the next session that's coming up. Either case, be kind to yourself, be cool, and we'll talk at you next time. Peace!