Mastering the Art of Leadership: Reframing Challenges, Building Tribes, and Embracing Wellness with Dr. G

Welcome back to part two of my conversation with Dr G. We're picking it back up on the question of how do aspiring leaders maintain credibility, which is kind of one of those really big things. You know there's lately authenticity and vulnerability I may have used those words a couple of times, but what is like also ultra, ultra important is credibility, and Dr G is gonna share her insight and what she does to maintain credibility, which you can absolutely take and apply into the way you show up. Also, there's a little bit of a conversation about a book out there in the future, so stay tuned all the way through that. And I wanna give a shout out to LNM family member, Ms Mia McGlynn. Mia shared this awesome comment on the LinkedIn. She says Jesse, I love this. That feeling that you can call the opposite of imposter syndrome is such an incredible one when it happens and I'm actually in a space currently where I needed a reminder of that there is room for you, but sometimes I even have to remind myself of that fact. That was her take on the latest Monday morning hug about the opposite of imposter syndromes, which is all about that weird, strange, beautiful feeling you have when you know in your bones that you are exactly where you're supposed to be sharing your gifts and talents in service to others, on the path to becoming the promise you're intended to be. So here we go to Dr G G G, G, G G. How much effort, like conscious effort, do you have to put into maintaining that credibility? Or maybe another way to think about it is how fragile is that in terms of other aspiring leaders coming through down the pipeline?

I guess that question is twofold almost. So you said what do I do to kind of maintain, and then how do I inspire other leaders? So the maintenance is really focusing on removing the stinking thinking. That's one of my coaches told me. Remove the stinking thinking, and what that means is just perspective. Your mind is renewing your thoughts. So if you have a positive outlook on whatever it is you're gonna generate and think about positivity. You think about the negativity. What was me? What's gonna happen? I can't believe this. You're gonna get the negative outcome Even though you're in the face, or I call it the in the tunnel of adversity. Pushing through to get to the other side is so critically important and how you think about things is essential. Now, remember one day I was traveling, getting ready to go out of town, and I lost my computer. I was like, oh my, it's a small business, that's huge. I lost it. And then all I could think about was, oh, what's gonna happen when I get to the other side of the tunnel? What's gonna happen If I can just get there, not worry about this yes, I'm not saying that I lost my computer but if I can just move forward? There's something so amazing that supposedly this distraction is trying to deter me from getting to, so I just need to look forward and be positive. Okay, we know what? I'm glad. I have my cloud backed up, all my files, I have my flash drive, my external hard drive, and I have a couple of different things in place, no problem. And then, sure enough, about time I had that positive outlook. I remember getting a call from the hotel where I left the at check-in. I left the computer at the check-in desk and they're like man, and this literally had to be three days. It went by, I didn't know what the computer was. So they call me and they're like hey, man, you have this thing. Or even just there's so many different situations that I've had a chance to go through adversity after adversity and just my beautiful part is just stand still and the heat of the stress, the craziness like will throw you so many different curve falls that for me, especially in my own journey, have almost allowed me or pushed me, forced me to be crushed. But I took those critical moments and allowed it to move forward with trajectory, with such hope, with such passion. Of course they were very difficult to get through, but I'm in the moment, in that moment, but I had to like pause, stand in it and look forward to the next. I gotta get there because I know something great is going to be to make me have perspective, to make me have insight, to make me use my tests as a testimony for others. And so you talk about how I help others, and it's just by sharing these stories. I was talking to one of my mentors oh my gosh, that's a story. So I was talking to one of my mentors recently and she has this music amazing house in Bel Air. She is amazing woman. She's done a lot in her career. I look up to her. She just walks with such class and such poise and you would never think that her story was as challenging as her story has been to get her to where she's been, because she just carries it with such grace. And so she talks about and she sow seeds in my life about this drive, that one that she had to have to get to where she is. And so I use that same thought process to encourage those who are coming in industry, those who are meeting middle managers or interning, to say you can do it too, just because you see, dr Jean, I've had struggles, I've had hardship, I had heartbreak, I've had loss. There's all these things that if you allow it, through your thinking, to take you down, it'll take you down, but why not think about these things as positives, like this is building experience so that I can empower others, because there's no one perfect walking person. Everyone has a story in the Triumph, like I. Love your stories and hearing your stories, especially in your leadership book, the different journeys that you have provided to the world to hear about, to say it's okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay not okay 100%.

We are here to serve others. I can't serve if I'm stuck in my moment. I gotta get through that.

Gotta shake it off, shake it off.

Learn. There's a lesson in every dark time. It is. What's the lesson? How can I serve? Let go, I frame you. It's socking and hurting and oh it's the worst though.

Oh, it's the worst, but you gotta push through. That's the hard part. Dude, this is the thing I like to say. What's for you is for you. Nothing meant for you will pass you by ever. Nothing meant for you will ever pass you by. It's yours.

You ain't gonna lose, you ain't gonna miss it. It's yours. You just gotta get it Right. You can't get it laying down, Nope.

Yeah, that's true, that part I forgot about that. Need to add a little back in my thought.

Because sometimes it's just a step ahead.

Yep, but if I quit, Woo-wee Too short, right, that's just so close, so close, right, so close.

I mentioned a couple of things that aren't surprising, but I want for the young L&M family member out there that's kind of cofee like wait a minute, she's the woman that has everything. She's got two PhDs, but she has a coach and a mentor. Why would you need a coach and a mentor if you have? I'm confused. Can you clarify the value of that?

Oh man, they're powerful. You think about. The coach and the mentor are in places that I want to go with my own personal career, my personal journey. What better way to do that? By mentors person who, like I said, she lives in this amazing house, she has this amazing, phenomenal career, she has this, but again, she's had the journey as well too. So how do I get to it? It's looking to people who've gone through that experience, that perspective, to help me shape my perspective, especially when I'm at that pivotal point in the fork in the road. What do I do? How do I do it? I think about one of my negotiations. I didn't know what to do. I was like here I am negotiating this executive role. What does that look like? And again, you have to have that coach or that mentor that is gone before you to say, oh no, you need to make sure you have this you need to share in your package, and that coach has this and this, because you don't just take what they're offering or exiting whatever it is. You have to have someone who has an experience and perspective or even can connect you to the information that you need to know. Go look at this, go read this book, something like that. It may have been pivotal in my life. Pivotal in my life. Every point where I have those challenges and that adversity, I have either the mentor or the coach that gives me not the answers but a story, a powerful story of their own journey. And then it just brings this aha moment and the light bulb comes on and I'm like, okay, got it. I feel comfort, I feel peace, I feel clarity and I feel like I can take on the world.

Yeah, and so I agree 100%. To some people it was like why do you need a coach? What about? Because I'm good in some things and I'm a scrub in a lot of things? People that got experienced a couple steps ahead of me and I want to learn. I can say myself years of learning by tapping into their experience and their knowledge.

Plus for me. I know I have a greater calling in my life. I know I have an amazing greater calling on my life what, out of doubt, hands down, and I'm super excited to be on this journey and I have these people that are just in my life To help me elevate, to get there and, like I talked about when I started our conversation today, it is truly that tribe man. My circle is so amazing and they love me with all my flaws and Imperfection, but more so, they know where I'm, to help me get to where I need to go right. And it's that elevation so that I can help impact others, not just for self. It's so that I can get to that higher level, that higher calling, so that others coming behind me that can see all of this Black African-American woman. She's in construction. That was not her trajectory. She's overcome this, this and this and she still managed to excel. And you see me always put hashtag sore, because that is straight opportunity Affirmation and results. That's my sore Results.

Yeah, I just got some weight on it. Okay, so you've mentioned your tribe a few times and and I'm interested to know what are the criteria you use to vet or select your tribe, the people that you Some of them you're standing on their shoulders, some of them you're pulling up the mountain, some of your holding hands with yep Do you have some specific attributes or traits that you Target or look for?

Initially was people that I aspire to be like, aspire to to really impact the world I think one of my mentors. So I saw her. She's in all the newspapers. She did some stuff in Washington DC. She's ran a local agency. She's a powerhouse and I remember finding her in an event. I go up to her and I'm like I want you to mentor me. She says okay, nothing. And I tried to message her and link Dan and nothing. So there was this amazing program by the National Association of Women Business Owners novel that I went through in 2021 and they assigned two mentors to each individual candidate in this program and Lo and behold, see how the stars alive. She was one of my mentors. But now we're closed. Real clothes, we got, phone clothes. We some coffee we got. When I go out to Vegas, a visitor, have lunch with her. I said look how the stars like and that's why I know is confirmation. My life has such a calling on it for a higher thing. So I'm like one of the odds of that happening. And I told her I'm like remember this, we took this picture at this event and here we are now having a friend. You know this is a random picture, but now we're having lunch Intentionally having lunch about our career, about my career. I'm sharing with her what I'm going through, the vulnerability. That's another thing that helps me to identify. I think my other one, the one who I talked about, has this amazing home in this life, career. She she reached out to me. Same program reached out to me at a really pivotal point in my life where I was making a change, and the connection happened because of vulnerability. Far too often, I think, when we're having our relationships with our mentors and mentees, we're trying to solve a problem or coach, but I had a chance to explain to her really some core things that I was dealing with as a leader and she was able to share stories with me about her leadership, challenges, adversity, overcoming, winning. It just went on and on and from now she's like a almost like she called me her second daughter Because we've gotten that close over the years, dealing with some stuff in negotiations what do you think about this? Coaching me through it and also mentoring me through that whole process as well too. It's been phenomenal. It's truly that transformation and just the vulnerability, because far too often I was like guard it. Oh my gosh, what do they want? To know why they want to know that. Is that gonna be in the newspaper? Now? I'm just like you know what it is, what it is, you know what that's a regular person who has a tribe, who has some hardship, but able to look at it positive and then think about where I'm called to be Done. And a mama. I'm a mama too. I'm 13 year old. Really. I got a 13 year old autistic son who was amazing. Who was amazing. It took me a while to get to that realization because I was for so long as a parent trying to guard my child Because in this space, as DEI professional, I see it. I see the discrimination, the treatment of those who are different, so I didn't want my son to go through that. I Didn't want my son to be faced with that. But I also came to the realization I Need to support him in this difference. I need to support him in his uniqueness because he's not like others and that's okay. And it made me a stronger advocate. It made me really focus on the growth for those who have differences, learning, disabilities. And I remember going to this one Comerica event. Comerica recognized me for woman of empowerment and they had an event. I was. I'm blown away. Okay, that's a whole nother story, you know, yeah, no, okay, I'm watching TV. Wait, it's a Laker. I have to tell the story. I'm watching the Laker game. I go into my dad's and they're like hey, put to the channel the Lakers on. And we're watching the Laker game and this commercial comes on and it says Comerica Bank and Los Angeles Lakers are recognizing women business owners. I'm like, wow, he's like you should apply G. I'm like dad, I'm your biggest fan. I think you should apply. You're great. I'm like dad just started maybe a year and a half of that time ago. He's got think you should apply you. Okay, I put my name in the hat. Would you like to be my nominee, dad? He's like okay, I'll nominate you. Sure enough weeks go by. I get the email from the Los Angeles Lakers saying that BIM and Cole Merica Bank selected me for women of empowerment. They said my story was so compelling in this space of construction and all that I'm doing to really remove barriers. I was blown away. I'm nearly going to hold on to text. I got the award on the floor of the crypto sitter. I was like blow it away and I forgot the main story I was trying to get to.

We're talking about vulnerability and the value of vulnerability, and then you were talking about your son, and so I imagine that for you to share about your son is an extreme demonstration of vulnerability. Yeah, it is In terms of the value that you've experienced or reek from vulnerability. In relation to the amount of discomfort you go through, is that like proportional, like the more uncomfortable, and then you end up getting great value from being vulnerable, I think, because it's emotional.

I'm a mom, right, it's almost like that lioness trying to protect her cub, also trying to encourage him to be unique. It was the oddest kind of difference and so now I'm like getting him into programs that support those with differences. And it was a. It was a cold America event. That's where I was going with that. It was a cold America event where Marlee Manson she is death director. I don't know if you even follow her career Amazing person. She's deaf, and so she had a translator on stage and she was talking through the translator about how, as DEI, professionals need to not forget the accessibility. Far too often we're advocating, we're only looking at diversity, we're only looking at equity and inclusion, but the accessibility. And then I thought about it. I said from that point on I'm going to help elevate the conversation on accessibility, especially in my own journey as a mom of a child with autism, who he for so long I wanted him to blend in, but he is so unique and he thinks he's smart, he's amazing. And I found programs to support other parents that are speaking out, like saying I have the same issue that you used to have Really, and now I'm feeling empowered, I'm feeling strong. I can support him. He's in baseball. He started football flag. Snoop Dogg has a flag football team that supports neurodiverse students and those with disability. Who knows Snoop Dogg right? He's in that football league. You know, then, I have on all in this cooking class and he does so many different things. But it was just making sure that I tapped in to what he needs, rather than being in my own way as a lioness and protecting the herd, which sometimes you got to get the little, the cubs out there go cub and grow yeah.

It ain't funny how most of the stuff we're just in our own way about.

Yeah, you have kids. Do you have kids, jesse?

I've got a daughter. I've got a 24-year-old daughter. I do, but I don't quarrel with her, I would say as a father, because I did zero to raise her. And that's one of the things, you know, those painful decisions, missed opportunity, regrets, even that. That's probably the one that I have in my life.

Yes, but the beautiful part is you have the now. You still have that now to build that relationship moving forward, and that's no one can take away from you.

The other now, yes, ma'am, and that's part of the motivation for me to stay on. Well, I can't say straight and narrow, maybe slightly twisted and narrow path that I'm on now.

I just leave that alone, because I was willing to ask a question. Oh, you're interviewing me. Yeah, I asked the question, you're all good.

Now I've spilled my guts in a book. I've got two books behind me, but I spilled all of my most of my guts in one and word is you're messing around with the book yourself. Is that true?

Yes, yes, I'm super excited, super, super, super excited. It's been something of interest for some time now and it's going to be looking at behind my smile, the journey in the journey. I have many different focuses on talking about the tribe, like I touched on a little bit earlier. I'm moving the excuses, removing the distractions and focus on your calling, walking, your power as a leader, and especially as a black leader, removing the stinking thinking. That's one of my coaches thinking. I'm going to talk about that, removing that stinking thinking and how that can play a role in how you show up and be optimistic.

Oh my, goodness Is there like nuggets? I need nuggets. No, the LNM tribe needs nuggets. The LNM family members out there, in terms of finding their what did you say? Finding their calling? Yep, finding your calling. What's the recipe? Or maybe one or two ingredients, without giving the whole book away?

Is really just pausing long enough to figure out what brings you joy, what really brings you joy when it boils back. Like I knew, policy Policy was something that I was good at, something I love looking into, and then now, of course, I'm into contracts, so I'm hard juice. Look at these contracts making sure that we're meeting our deliverables, mitigating those risks, holding the line, developing programs that are inclusive and working in teams. So it's finding that calling Again. I want to impact others. I want to change people's lives so that they can change their future children's lives, that they don't have children, or their current children's lives.

Yes generations, generations, yeah, we are that one person we can change? We can change it Right.

This is simple stuff, especially in this space of inclusion Removing barriers so that others can have not a job but a career in construction. Not a contract but multiple contracts and constructions. Thinking about youth engagement. Thinking about maybe I didn't think about construction as an opportunity. It doesn't have to be a plan B or I didn't get accepted to. It can be this is my first selection and I can come out, make you probably more than Dr Jeannie or her doctorate degree. She's paying back the doctorate degrees. She's no paying those, oh yeah.

That's the other side of it. So you said pause, find out what brought you joy. And in this idea of pausing, what came to mind for mine immediately was reflection, notching out, tying to self-reflect and introspect. What is your reflection and introspection habit? Look like.

One, I sit and think. When I do get time to sit and think, I try to make up that time, and it's usually in the mornings where I have a couple of minutes by myself just in isolation. Either I lay in bed or I get up and I just think about what I want to happen. I have my goal sheet and I go through every area, from finance to personal, to spiritual, to financial, and I look at all those in my head, look at all those areas of I haven't written down but this particular analogies when I think about every single one that I want to work on, and then from their prey and then from their journal, and then from their reflect on the journaling at the end of the day and then reflect on what I did throughout the day. Did I really set up my day to meet those goals that I talked about in the beginning part? Then, also, is it part of alignment my day was it aligned with what I'm trying to get to those goals? And then I reflect on OK, what could I do different tomorrow? What is that move like, yeah, and I'm up super early, like I get up, I mean man 345. So I don't sleep much. I don't sleep much. I'm working on that, working on that. It's not on my goal sheet, but I'm working on it.

I'll say this about sleep I undervalued sleep for most of my life. When I say that, I'll say like the last two years I've made sleep an important focus of my day. On that note, though, I don't agree that everybody needs eight hours, right, because I know I can get eight hours Like it's work. For me to get eight hours of sleep Somewhere between five and six is super, super easy. Yeah, seven is like amazing. Eight is just kind of. That's just so much work to get that extra damn hour.

Yeah, I don't do the eight on me. Think about it If you do eight of sleep a day in 24 hour period, you're sleeping a third of your day away. So I'm like, how do I maximize what do I need to really reflect, just gain perspective and then gear up for the new day, and it's usually three to four hours. Three to four hours because I got a lot to do and I got to maximize all of my time that I have my eyes to be open and I'm trying to maximize what I have planned for myself. What does a day look like? How do I move forward throughout the day? How do I accomplish those objectives? How do I really tackle Remember, I talked about the higher calling for my life what does that look like? It looks like I got to really think about strategy. I got to move forward, I got to move forward and I can't do it if I'm sleeping eight hours a day, a third of my day. How about naps?

Where are you on naps? I don't nap.

No, no naps.

You've mentioned the destiny, the direction you're headed. In my mind it lands in the promise you are in in the to be. So I want to ask this closing question what is the wellness Dr G is intended to be?

To really elevate on a global level, to really make a huge impact when it comes to removing barriers for people that often are overlooked, not included, not part of conversations, and making sure that they have a voice in the room so that others behind them can have their voice in the room.

Hmm, yes, contagious, did you have fun, I did.

Absolutely I did.

Your energy got me. There's two more colds and then I got to eat.

Forget to eat. Oh yeah, that's a big one. I keep, like I said, I get up early and I try to eat maybe every two to three hours throughout the day, and either it's a protein shake I have, or protein bar or I have, using some broccoli or something nearby. I try not to snack too much. I can't. My previous life I used to bodybuild. That's a hobby, okay.

Words.

Somebody challenged me. I was like why not? I love a good challenge. Yeah, who in Jen? You and Jen are a couple.

Negative. Kind of funny because the behind the scenes we broke the no BS, I'm sorry. The Lean In Love book.

That's why I thought I see, okay, okay, there, that's what I thought Lean In Love. I was like, oh, how cute.

So the letter, like that whole thing, is based on letters and an X of mine wrote for me Like fix me, or rather to fix the relationship, and I knew they were valuable. But when I wrote the opening for that book, I just wrote it from my own perspective because I don't think a lot and Jen was like Jesse, you're going to have to edit that because there's so much room for people to assume that you and I are a couple and I'm like, oh, I didn't even think about that, but that would be awesome, like it would get too good marketing. She's like no superimp, what Nothing to do with that? I'm not on your list. Okay, well, I'm not on your list. So awesome, so awesome. So yeah, no, not a couple really great friend, one of the you know she's on the top of the list in terms of really great people that I've come into contact with, that have helped me grow and that I've also had the privilege of contributing and speaking into her life.

So super awesome and I love your Saturday shows. If I can get myself, I'm up and I'm like if I'm not in the gym, it's either all my commute to the sauna and stuff like that. So I'm like, love it, I love it. Just the conversations, the topics, the interactions, hilarious.

I think that's why a lot of people think we're a couple, because the way we go at it. Are you seeing a trend here? I feel like there's been a handful of interviews where the guests are asking me questions, and Dr G asked me some pretty intimate questions, which I think are important, and her answer to the closing question, of course, is inspirational. It kind of takes me back to the times when I felt stuck and even suffocated because I didn't understand what was keeping me down, or like if it was my fault, if I was defective, if there was something wrong with me. And over the years I've had many experiences that have helped me understand that I'm not alone and these experiences have helped me break through to amazing, amazing new opportunities and beautiful ways to serve other people, and a whole bunch of those experiences are captured in my book. Become In the Promise you are intended to be. So if you know somebody that is stuck, or if you're stuck and you're looking for some inspiration and some hope, check out the book. It's not a number one bestseller, but I am getting texts and messages and calls about how the stories gave people hope for themselves. I've got a couple that have shared that they decided to live a life of sobriety and they're leaning on some of the stories in my experiences in the book to help them through that, and I want the same thing for the world. So if you could help me out by sharing that, I'd appreciate it. And always be kind to yourself, be cool and we'll talk at you next time. Peace.