Nov. 7, 2024

Steve Meller on Resilience and Defining Your Path

Ever wondered how the relentless drive for success can shape and even challenge personal relationships and life pursuits? Join us for an engrossing conversation with Steve Mellor, an executive coach and former world-class swimmer, as he unpacks the paradox of hyper-competitiveness. With tales from his transformation from a fiercely competitive athlete to a more aligned individual, Steve illustrates how this drive can be both a superpower and a vulnerability. His insights pave the way for understanding the delicate balance of maintaining meaningful connections while striving for excellence.

Experience the power of resilience and ownership through Steve's personal anecdotes, as he shares pivotal moments that led him to shift from sports to coaching, focusing on the non-linear paths of growth and success. From working with executives to helping athletes like Brooks Curry achieve gold at the Olympics, Steve's stories emphasize the significance of belief and perseverance. Learn about the importance of defining your journey, recognizing when to persist, and when it's time to change direction to align with your aspirations.

In a reflective discussion, we explore the integral roles of introspection and curiosity in uncovering potential and fostering genuine understanding. Steve reveals the power of intuition in coaching and how curiosity can prevent assumptions and foster clarity in communication. Our conversation also touches on his rebranding journey to Growth Ready, highlighting a commitment to personal development and creating impactful experiences. Listen in to discover how aligning with your optimal self can lead to a ripple effect of positivity and fulfillment, both personally and within your community.

Connect with Steve at:
Instagram @coachstevemellor
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/steve-mellor-cc/
https://growthready.com/

Visit the website and let me know what you would miss if the Podcast were to go away:
https://www.depthbuilder.com/

Get on the path to Becoming the Promise You are Intended to Be
https://www.depthbuilder.com/books

Chapters

00:00 - Pursuing Excellence and Human Connection

07:19 - Embracing Ownership and Resilience

17:12 - Navigating Potential and Leadership

25:42 - Uncovering Potential Through Introspection

33:49 - The Power of Curiosity and Alignment

46:44 - Manifesting Potential and Purpose

49:40 - One Reason to Pursue Optimal Self

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.850
I was the kid growing up where the game didn't get to end until I won.

00:00:02.850 --> 00:00:08.631
You know that would mean that we're playing long after the sun went down.

00:00:08.631 --> 00:00:10.484
Communication is not communication.

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If it's one way, it has to be two ways.

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It's not about perfection, it's about direction.

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You will always have way more reasons not to than you will to do something, and in order to pursue your optimal self, you have to focus on the one reason why and find a reason to push away the four or five reasons.

00:00:28.734 --> 00:00:33.171
And that is my promise to anyone and everyone that I interact with through my life.

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What is going on L&M family family.

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If you have any interest, curiosity, and especially if you have a passion for human performance and human potential, I got a special nugget for you.

00:00:53.192 --> 00:01:14.444
I had the opportunity of spending some time with our guest previously, maybe a month or so back, and he has granted us the gift of coming on the Learnings and missteps podcast, mr steve meller, who you might notice his accent, you might be able to tell he's from louisiana, maybe, maybe not.

00:01:14.444 --> 00:01:16.209
He's an executive coach.

00:01:16.209 --> 00:01:19.760
He is the founder of growth ready and he also has a podcast.

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Like I said, I had the opportunity to play there, so clearly he is very accepting of weirdos because he let me be on his podcast.

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And not only is he a devoted husband and father, he's also a professional speaker and an author.

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There's all kinds of stuff that I'm going to try to contain myself and dive into so that the family out there can get some value out of it and dive into so that the family out there can get some value out of it.

00:01:47.158 --> 00:01:58.051
And folks, if you're new, this is the Learnings and Missteps podcast, where you get to see how real people just like you are sharing their gifts and talents to leave this world better than they found it.

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I'm Jesse, and now you are going to get to know Mr Steve, mr.

00:02:04.230 --> 00:02:05.052
Steve, how are you?

00:02:05.052 --> 00:02:05.561
Sir Jesse?

00:02:05.561 --> 00:02:07.549
I'm doing wonderful, brother.

00:02:07.549 --> 00:02:15.099
Any hour I get to spend in my day with your energy is an hour well spent, so I just appreciate the opportunity.

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I am so well-versed in lessons and making the incorrect step that I could not be in a better place to talk, I think, right now.

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Oh, good, good, so we're going to have some fun.

00:02:26.145 --> 00:02:52.776
So I did a little bit of stalking on the interwebs, on the socials, and you are a world-class competitor, right Like, you've been at the highest levels, and so the L&M family wants to know what advice do you have for hyper-competitive people, managing their pursuit of excellence and staying connected with the human beings that are most important to them?

00:02:55.024 --> 00:02:56.207
So much in one question.

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You know the connection that you finish the question there, this idea of remaining connected to the people around you.

00:03:04.093 --> 00:03:08.270
I think hyper-competitiveness it can be a superpower.

00:03:08.270 --> 00:03:16.313
It can also be an absolute kryptonite in terms of just how you truly handle this thing that we call life.

00:03:16.313 --> 00:03:33.592
And when I think about my background, you know the sport we'll probably get into it, but my sport growing up was swimming, swam at a very high level, became a top 50 world-class athlete in my respective event, coached at an even higher level, and for me that competitiveness is as pure today as it was back then.

00:03:33.592 --> 00:03:49.283
The difference between the 39-year-old Steve that's talking to you now versus that 18, 19-year-old version of Steve that used to be able to rock a Speedo and look good in it, as opposed to is that that 18, 19 year old competitiveness was at all costs.

00:03:51.587 --> 00:03:59.627
If I look back to that time, when it came to the costs themselves, in the grand scheme of life they were pretty insignificant.

00:03:59.627 --> 00:04:06.832
I'm talking about I had to maybe lose a few friendships, or I had to maybe say no to this party on a Friday night, or whatever it was.

00:04:06.832 --> 00:04:09.706
And then, as life evolves, the stakes get greater.

00:04:09.706 --> 00:04:11.746
Right, the stakes continue to grow.

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We find a spouse, maybe we have a child, we have a house.

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So adamant about achieving that, it becomes easy to become disconnected to the things that truly matter, because you get too focused on that one thing that matters in your mind, for whatever reason, it matters most.

00:04:34.002 --> 00:04:59.259
When life has this way of teaching us that, can we, just as we pursue this excellence and as life grows around us, can we find that alignment between the two and you'll notice I didn't say the word balance Alignment Can we find that alignment between pursuing high performance but then holding ourselves to the same standards when it comes to the relationships that we have in our lives too, those things that truly matter?

00:04:59.259 --> 00:05:04.552
Are we able to shift that alignment at times towards what matters most?

00:05:04.552 --> 00:05:06.747
So for me, man, it's an evolution.

00:05:06.747 --> 00:05:07.461
It never ends.

00:05:07.521 --> 00:05:08.283
I'm 39.

00:05:08.283 --> 00:05:10.971
I'm referencing the 18, 19-year-old version of myself.

00:05:10.971 --> 00:05:12.322
There'll be a day where I'm 59.

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And I look back on this 39-year-old version of myself and I'm like man.

00:05:16.632 --> 00:05:20.084
That kid learned a lot in the last 20 years.

00:05:20.084 --> 00:05:22.108
The same way that kid back in 19,.

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He's learned a lot too.

00:05:23.108 --> 00:05:27.355
But man, it's all about that alignment right, and I think when we get that alignment, everything else seems to fall into place.

00:05:28.880 --> 00:05:29.904
Yeah, yeah, good.

00:05:29.904 --> 00:05:42.425
I love your answer for a lot of reasons and I hope what the listener gets out of this is like there's no silver bullet, particularly this alignment versus I shouldn't say versus, but alignment or balance.

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And I have a perspective on intensity which maybe we'll get into a little bit down the road.

00:05:47.783 --> 00:06:08.259
But, being a competitor at the level that you've been at and I'm sure you still bring the same intensity to the way you serve your clients today how early did you discover that your appetite to compete and grow and learn and improve was different than your peers?

00:06:08.259 --> 00:06:09.985
When did that become aware?

00:06:10.565 --> 00:06:14.055
obvious I mean early, early, early early.

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I was man.

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I was a kid growing up where the game didn't get to end until I won you know it was and that that would mean that we're playing long after the sun went down.

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Man, man Like again.

00:06:24.605 --> 00:06:41.290
I was always the young I don't know why it was or how it happened but pretty much from the age of about eight until 16, 17, I was always around kids two, three, four years older than me, and you know you talk about dog, eat dog, be competitive.

00:06:41.290 --> 00:07:08.303
It's like, hey, if I don't show up and keep my chest out and hold my head high, I'm going to get eaten alive around these bigger, stronger, faster guys in all these different sports that I was playing, and what that really showed me, though, was that I was never deterred and that's kind of where I'm going to here is like even in those moments where I maybe lost 20 times, but I won the 21st time, for the lesson that came out of that every time was that you didn't get deterred.

00:07:08.303 --> 00:07:19.163
In those defeats, you found ways to say hey, on to the next one, on to the next one, and that's where I really noticed the difference growing up was that, when you're around sport.

00:07:19.322 --> 00:07:27.194
One of the stories that rarely gets told is the majority of people that compete in sport give up at some point.

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Every single age group you go.

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Another few kids drop out, their commitments go elsewhere.

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And I use the term give up lightly because at the end of the day sometimes it's just a matter of hey, my attention has moved elsewhere, my commitments are elsewhere, whatever it may be.

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And so at a certain point you get to that 17, 18 years old and you're moving into a senior level of sport and you have decisions to make about your entire life, nevermind the sport.

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Like, hey, am I, am I in on this sport?

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Am I, should I be more in on this part of my education now and all this kind of stuff.

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And suddenly now it's like, hey, everybody at this point has not been deterred, everybody at this point has kept going.

00:08:04.071 --> 00:08:25.120
So now that you're at this level, the senior level, the international level, as I eventually got to, then it becomes about okay, in this really small vacuum of performance, can you still remain focused and create and maintain that momentum in your work and in your results where you still don't get deterred?

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And that's to really fast forward.

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Now to what I'm doing with executives and business owners and emerging leaders.

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That is what I get to do now with them.

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They'll tell me at some point this is what I want to achieve and as we go through the adversities and the rollercoaster that is their business and life, my goal is to ensure that we don't get deterred.

00:08:44.149 --> 00:08:45.505
We stay on it, man.

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We keep going, because that thing that you wanted to do three months ago, it's still the case today.

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Maybe the adversity is getting the better of you today, but we cannot allow ourselves to get deterred on whatever that end goal, whatever that end vision is that we have in mind.

00:09:01.701 --> 00:09:03.764
Yeah, there's so much there, right?

00:09:03.764 --> 00:09:11.505
Sometimes it's really just a matter of keeping on, just keep going.

00:09:11.505 --> 00:09:19.690
For me, the reason it's hard to keep going is because it's so easy to stop, like, I mean, you've got a podcast right?

00:09:19.690 --> 00:09:22.620
Did you have a million downloads on your first episode?

00:09:22.961 --> 00:09:25.450
I still don't have a million downloads after 240 episodes.

00:09:28.505 --> 00:09:31.893
So it would be easy to just stop.

00:09:31.893 --> 00:09:36.205
But no, I don't know about you, but I know for me.

00:09:36.205 --> 00:09:54.254
Anytime, you know, when I start kind of losing the wind in my sails and I'm like, man, this is a whole lot of effort, you got to schedule, you got to edit, you got to blah, blah, blah, right around that time somebody will send me a text and say, man, I listened to such and such episode and it's exactly what I needed.

00:09:54.254 --> 00:09:55.841
The thing I got from it is going to help me.

00:09:55.841 --> 00:10:01.326
I'm like okay, I got juice for another year, let's go, is that the same?

00:10:01.326 --> 00:10:04.489
Oh, my goodness, okay, good.

00:10:04.489 --> 00:10:11.676
So, folks, if you didn't catch it, let me say it one more time Keep on keeping on, especially when it gets hard.

00:10:12.197 --> 00:10:16.022
Now there's probably some well, let's get into that here in a bit around.

00:10:16.022 --> 00:10:26.436
What are the signals or maybe criteria that somebody should use to decide that this is not the direction I need to go and maybe it's time for a shift in direction.

00:10:26.436 --> 00:10:28.628
But we'll come back to that.

00:10:28.628 --> 00:10:31.720
You started super competitive.

00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:35.687
If anybody was going to play a game with you Monopoly basketball, it didn't matter.

00:10:35.687 --> 00:10:39.628
They were going to play until you won, which I think is freaking fantastic.

00:10:39.628 --> 00:10:41.787
Then you got into swimming.

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Then you're a coach, professional speaker and advisor to amazing careers.

00:10:48.469 --> 00:10:53.176
Did you have it planned out and has it happened in the timeline that you expected?

00:11:06.120 --> 00:11:07.903
the skill of not being deterred was through the lessons and through the missteps.

00:11:07.903 --> 00:11:08.466
And so to this question too.

00:11:08.466 --> 00:11:17.730
It's like if you're trying to paint this perfect picture and we were joking before we got recording how growth and progress and improvement and success is not linear and I kind of joke with you I don't think there's even a line.

00:11:17.730 --> 00:11:18.857
I don't think there's even.

00:11:18.857 --> 00:11:25.399
Let's just stop trying to paint a line period, Like why don't we just say, hey, this thing, it's just a process in itself.

00:11:25.399 --> 00:11:34.072
Let's not define the law, let's not give it a line, let's not give it a path, let's just accept that this is an experience that we're all going through and we have the opportunity to own it.

00:11:34.072 --> 00:11:35.745
And I think that's the biggest part for me.

00:11:35.764 --> 00:11:38.883
I speak about this on stage all the time when I talk about growth.

00:11:38.883 --> 00:11:42.773
Growth is when you actually look at the dictionary definition.

00:11:42.773 --> 00:11:46.482
It's an incredibly vague term.

00:11:46.482 --> 00:11:46.803
It's not.

00:11:46.803 --> 00:11:51.783
People think when I say, hey, Jesse, man, we should focus on growth, and you're like heck, yeah, man, let's do it.

00:11:51.783 --> 00:12:00.961
We both think we understand what one another's saying, but if we then get pulled aside by someone else and say, hey, Jesse, define growth, Steve, define growth, we're going to have two different answers.

00:12:00.961 --> 00:12:07.592
We're going to have two different answers, and I'm sure every listener on this call is going to have a different answer for how they define growth.

00:12:07.592 --> 00:12:19.972
Now, that's okay, as long as you give it a strong enough definition where you're actually owning it, Because when we keep it vague, we keep it at an arm's length, we don't actually own it in that moment.

00:12:20.072 --> 00:12:26.767
And so when we talk about these ideas of our lives and this direction that we want to go on, that's all well and good.

00:12:26.767 --> 00:12:32.592
If you don't want to own it, then good luck with actually bringing any of that to fruition.

00:12:32.592 --> 00:12:40.390
And you can't then have the audacity to complain about where you're at if you're not willing to take ownership for the direction you're going in.

00:12:40.390 --> 00:12:42.486
And that's hard for people to accept.

00:12:42.486 --> 00:12:44.707
Man, it's really hard for people to accept.

00:12:45.419 --> 00:12:50.942
But for me, when I go back and look at my lifespan, you could never have convinced me I would have gone into swim coaching.

00:12:50.942 --> 00:12:52.125
I did it for 10 years.

00:12:52.125 --> 00:12:56.668
You could never have convinced me that I was going to be an entrepreneur here I am three years into it now.

00:12:56.668 --> 00:13:03.128
You could never have told me that I was going to be on stage speaking about a story of how I took an Olympic swimmer to an Olympic gold.

00:13:03.128 --> 00:13:06.552
That had no right, even considering that that was a possibility.

00:13:06.552 --> 00:13:19.250
But here I am telling these stories today because what I've allowed myself to do is simply own the experience that is my life and own what it is I want to get out of it, Outside of that man I give it up to the guy upstairs.

00:13:19.250 --> 00:13:29.115
He has a huge influence on that but at the same time I'm also being comfortable enough that this experience that we're all going through it's evolving as we go through it.

00:13:29.115 --> 00:13:32.325
We just have to be comfortable enough and own that part of it.

00:13:32.785 --> 00:13:34.288
Why is it ownership?

00:13:34.288 --> 00:13:36.133
You said the word multiple times.

00:13:36.133 --> 00:13:41.312
I'm not disagreeing, but can you fill in the blanks for the listener out there?

00:13:41.312 --> 00:13:42.240
I hear you say own.

00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:44.822
Why is that important and what does that look like?

00:13:45.202 --> 00:13:47.585
So I'll actually do it the other way around.

00:13:47.585 --> 00:13:49.626
So what it looks like, and then why it's important.

00:13:49.626 --> 00:13:56.913
So what it looks like, is you really putting your stamp on what it is you want and why it is you want it?

00:13:56.913 --> 00:14:03.863
And then there's this third piece that we rarely do why is it that you're the one that should make it happen?

00:14:03.863 --> 00:14:07.249
So it's not just what do I want and why do I want it, but why you?

00:14:07.249 --> 00:14:08.750
Why are you called to do this?

00:14:08.750 --> 00:14:10.475
Why are you the one that should do this?

00:14:10.475 --> 00:14:15.022
Because when we get to the heart of that third part of this, jesse, that's when the ownership happens.

00:14:15.022 --> 00:14:18.192
That's when we actually we see ourself owning it.

00:14:18.614 --> 00:14:22.062
It's not just this concept anymore, it's not this idea anymore.

00:14:22.062 --> 00:14:25.267
It's something and this is the other word I like to use around ownership.

00:14:25.267 --> 00:14:26.869
It's something we possess.

00:14:26.869 --> 00:14:28.831
We possess it.

00:14:28.831 --> 00:14:32.461
It's our vision, it's our dream, it's our legacy.

00:14:32.461 --> 00:14:38.744
However, you want to look at it, because we see us being the one bringing it to fruition, because we've defined why.

00:14:38.744 --> 00:14:43.133
We've defined why we are the one that can make it happen.

00:14:43.133 --> 00:14:47.116
As opposed to, this seems like a great idea, and this is why I want to do it.

00:14:47.116 --> 00:14:47.779
No, no, no.

00:14:47.779 --> 00:14:50.586
Go one step further, go one step further.

00:14:50.586 --> 00:14:53.950
Why are you the one that's going to make this happen?

00:14:53.950 --> 00:14:59.884
And answering that question and getting better about the way you answer that question, brother.

00:14:59.884 --> 00:15:02.606
That's how we develop ownership over time.

00:15:04.109 --> 00:15:10.573
Man, I'm going to have to rewrite that and maybe get a tattoo of it.

00:15:10.594 --> 00:15:14.596
You wouldn't be the first person that is considered a tattoo based on something that I said.

00:15:17.288 --> 00:15:18.393
So I appreciate that.

00:15:18.393 --> 00:15:25.345
Well, it's clearly like 100% evidence of why you're a professional speaker.

00:15:25.345 --> 00:15:30.827
And so we got a lot of people that are listening, that have big dreams, hopes that maybe are terrified.

00:15:30.827 --> 00:15:36.527
Like man, I can't motivate people to get tattoos of my words, yet Maybe I shouldn't be a public speaker.

00:15:36.527 --> 00:15:38.910
And so did you take a class?

00:15:38.910 --> 00:15:50.386
What was the journey in your head, the evolution for you to come to terms with being on stage and then saying, yeah, I'm a professional speaker.

00:15:50.486 --> 00:15:51.591
Yeah, I love the question.

00:15:53.961 --> 00:15:58.308
But first I want to give the L&M family member shout out.

00:15:58.308 --> 00:16:03.544
I got this awesome comment on the LinkedIn from Mr Edmund.

00:16:03.544 --> 00:16:12.693
Edmund says Jesse, your raw and real approach in an error where so much is camouflaged is rare and admirable.

00:16:12.693 --> 00:16:14.197
Keep it going.

00:16:14.197 --> 00:16:17.184
I respect your authenticity, edmund.

00:16:17.184 --> 00:16:18.006
Thank you, bro.

00:16:18.006 --> 00:16:20.373
Cause that that really makes me feel good.

00:16:20.373 --> 00:16:27.469
Cause sometimes I'm worried that I'm offending people or I might be losing credibility, but the truth is, if you don't have credibility, there's nothing to lose.

00:16:27.469 --> 00:16:28.511
So I think I'm okay there.

00:16:31.042 --> 00:16:45.431
I think it's such an important question because I think there's probably going to be people listening here that will try to discourage themselves and discourage themselves, but even try to justify why they should not speak.

00:16:45.431 --> 00:16:56.990
I actually have a number of my clients that I don't coach people on speaking, but now and again when I'm doing my executive coaching, it will come up and like, hey, I've got this opportunity to go speak or hey, I'm going to go on this podcast.

00:16:56.990 --> 00:17:00.442
I just don't know why I should be doing it and a lot of that.

00:17:00.442 --> 00:17:05.930
It's an opportunity for a person to really explore the value that they're bringing and the impact that they can provide.

00:17:05.930 --> 00:17:11.703
I think the more we make it about the external benefit, the less the more we get out of our own way.

00:17:12.224 --> 00:17:20.836
For me, I learned early on in my life I was one of these interesting kids growing up man where I was both the athlete and the actor.

00:17:20.836 --> 00:17:25.349
So usually in school it's like there's the sports people and there's the drama people.

00:17:25.349 --> 00:17:27.285
I was bouncing between the two.

00:17:27.285 --> 00:17:39.127
I was a little hybrid, and so up until as far as I went with my sport up until about 18, I I was actually quite committed to my acting too, performing, and so I did that all the way through the age of 18.

00:17:39.127 --> 00:17:41.248
And that was one of my biggest crossroads in life.

00:17:41.248 --> 00:17:43.648
Was I chose sports over that?

00:17:44.500 --> 00:17:55.627
But once I committed to going to college in the US at 20, I decided to do my degree in communication media, because I just felt as though part of my calling in life was to just communicate to people.

00:17:55.627 --> 00:18:02.221
I didn't know how I was going to do it, going back to that question earlier, like I didn't have that perfect, hey, this is what it's going to bring me to.

00:18:02.221 --> 00:18:08.828
I just knew where my passion and where my talents lay and I wanted to make sure that I was fine tuned in those to the best of my ability.

00:18:08.828 --> 00:18:15.567
And lo and behold, I went 15 years after getting that degree until I started considering getting on stages.

00:18:16.228 --> 00:18:18.011
Oh wow.

00:18:18.031 --> 00:18:19.855
So, the passion never went away.

00:18:19.855 --> 00:18:21.867
The talent also never went away.

00:18:21.867 --> 00:18:33.852
And here's something I really want to suggest to you and just make clear to your listeners, because I'm assuming you've got a lot of people on that listen to this who are leaders, people that are at some point in their day or their week.

00:18:33.852 --> 00:18:37.200
They are the voice in the room, not a voice in the room.

00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:38.384
They are the voice in the room.

00:18:39.287 --> 00:18:43.401
If you have an issue about being on stage, forget it, because you're already on stage.

00:18:43.401 --> 00:18:45.644
You're already on a stage.

00:18:45.644 --> 00:18:48.270
You're just not above people on a stage.

00:18:48.270 --> 00:18:51.123
You're not scheduled to be on a stage.

00:18:51.123 --> 00:19:01.993
That's the only thing that's different, because those people are giving you their undivided attention and you're doing the work around yourself to gain their respect and to demand their undivided attention.

00:19:01.993 --> 00:19:05.869
That is no different than anything that I'm doing on a stage.

00:19:05.869 --> 00:19:09.830
The only difference is I'm scheduled to get on the stage at a certain time.

00:19:09.830 --> 00:19:14.509
The speech is a little bit more worked out, there's probably a few more people in the audience, that's it.

00:19:14.509 --> 00:19:15.805
That's the only difference.

00:19:15.805 --> 00:19:17.567
The game itself is the same.

00:19:24.099 --> 00:19:25.042
The field is only the field, that's it.

00:19:25.042 --> 00:19:25.664
That's the only difference.

00:19:25.664 --> 00:19:27.210
The game itself is the same the field, it's only the field that's different.

00:19:27.210 --> 00:19:29.497
Oh yeah, One of my favorite things of speaking up on stage is that I'm too far to see people rolling their eyes.

00:19:29.497 --> 00:19:32.824
I can't see them roll their eyes when I'm in the office.

00:19:32.824 --> 00:19:35.067
I can see them roll their eyes.

00:19:37.090 --> 00:19:38.432
When I speak here in Louisiana.

00:19:38.432 --> 00:19:44.807
I mean you made that joke at the front end, but I think that's everyone in the audience is probably thinking man, he's a Louisiana British dude.

00:19:44.807 --> 00:19:52.721
And it's just like whenever I'm speaking in Louisiana, the response in the back is always hilarious because most people are just like what is this guy saying?

00:19:52.721 --> 00:19:53.101
You know?

00:19:53.101 --> 00:19:53.602
Like what is he?

00:19:53.821 --> 00:19:57.444
I think I know what he's saying it sounds really, he sounds really intelligent.

00:19:57.444 --> 00:20:00.846
He might not be intelligent, but he sounds intelligent just because of his accent.

00:20:00.846 --> 00:20:02.989
But yeah, it is funny.

00:20:02.989 --> 00:20:09.513
But like you said that, that close proximity, yeah, you got to, you got to deal with those, that body language a little bit more in your face, man.

00:20:10.434 --> 00:20:13.537
Yeah, exactly, and that feedback loop is instant.

00:20:13.537 --> 00:20:22.872
And just to reinforce what you said, you're leading meetings, you're having these crucial conversations as a leader where you've got responsibility within an organization.

00:20:22.872 --> 00:20:30.093
You already have the skillset and you have reps and reps of doing the speaking.

00:20:30.093 --> 00:20:32.565
It's just like you said, just a different field.

00:20:32.565 --> 00:20:35.181
I think that's a phenomenal framework to help people get through it.

00:20:35.181 --> 00:20:36.144
So thank you for that.

00:20:36.144 --> 00:20:38.431
Now, Shock the World.

00:20:38.431 --> 00:20:41.609
You wrote a book, Shock the World.

00:20:41.609 --> 00:20:46.690
Where did that happen and what was the experience of production like?

00:20:46.839 --> 00:20:49.608
Yeah, it's about to turn two years old.

00:20:49.608 --> 00:21:00.141
The book as we record this today and the story itself came from what ended up being pretty much my last act as a swim coach.

00:21:00.141 --> 00:21:06.794
So I, in 2019, I had a young, up and coming talent called Brooks Curry come to LSU.

00:21:06.794 --> 00:21:16.580
So I used to be the associate head coach for swimming at LSU and he was very unrecruited but highly talented, highly motivated, but for whatever reason, people just didn't take an interest in him.

00:21:16.580 --> 00:21:19.887
I took an interest in him because I saw what he was capable of.

00:21:19.887 --> 00:21:25.989
And in 2019, he came into my office and he said listen, coach, I'm feeling pretty good about my development.

00:21:25.989 --> 00:21:34.583
I know this might sound crazy, but I feel as though, if we do things right, I could be in with a shot to qualify for the US Olympic team.

00:21:34.583 --> 00:21:43.508
Now, if he'd walked into just about any other office in the world of college swimming and swimming period, not a lot of coaches would have taken him seriously.

00:21:43.508 --> 00:21:48.924
I heard him and I'm like listen, if that's where you want to go, I want to go there with you.

00:21:48.924 --> 00:21:52.368
Just know this If we pull it off, brother, we're going to shock the world.

00:21:52.368 --> 00:21:54.201
We're going to shock the world.

00:21:54.721 --> 00:21:56.222
And it became Jesse.

00:21:56.222 --> 00:21:59.965
It became our mantra for the whole journey we went on.

00:21:59.965 --> 00:22:05.630
At first it was only going to be like a 10-month window that we had to do this, and then the pandemic came in 2020.

00:22:05.630 --> 00:22:07.451
The Olympics get pushed back a year.

00:22:07.451 --> 00:22:13.115
It wasn't ideal from a training standpoint, but it did give us an extra year to then pull it off.

00:22:13.115 --> 00:22:15.198
And, lo and behold, he was 100-meter freestyle.

00:22:15.198 --> 00:22:23.748
We qualified for the Us olympic trials.

00:22:23.748 --> 00:22:27.128
They take four guys for the 100 freestyle because it's an olympic, it's a relay event, and brooks only went in place fourth at the olympic trials and made it to the olympic games.

00:22:27.128 --> 00:22:28.982
And and then he got himself an olympic gold medal on the back end too.

00:22:29.183 --> 00:22:31.394
So it's just, it was a wild story.

00:22:31.394 --> 00:22:33.520
It was too incredible and powerful.

00:22:33.520 --> 00:22:34.301
I mean in my hairs.

00:22:34.301 --> 00:22:50.223
I literally can't tell that story without the hairs on my arms going up and it was too impressive a story for it not to be shared with the world, and so we shocked the world of swimming, and what the book really talks to is that the world is not as we know it in terms of the universe.

00:22:50.223 --> 00:22:53.109
The world is you, your world, you.

00:22:53.109 --> 00:22:59.852
We all live in our own world and there is a way that you can shock that world in how you go about doing what it is you do.

00:22:59.852 --> 00:23:03.670
The question is, what does that world look like that you want to shock?

00:23:03.670 --> 00:23:07.266
And now how do you want to go through the process of actually shocking that world?

00:23:07.266 --> 00:23:15.646
And that's what the book does, man, we pull from all these different podcast episodes that I've recorded, all these different guests, all this sort of stuff comes in, but it is something I'm so proud of.

00:23:15.946 --> 00:23:19.789
It blows my mind still that people like not only read my book but then come back and tell me it's good.

00:23:19.789 --> 00:23:21.412
You know, it's just like.

00:23:21.412 --> 00:23:27.396
Oh, I got some like sixth grade english teachers that have been massively proven wrong, so I'm excited about that.

00:23:27.396 --> 00:23:27.862
But that's another.

00:23:27.862 --> 00:23:29.308
That's the competitor in me right now.

00:23:29.308 --> 00:23:33.702
Man, like he's coming, yeah, like I showed you, I showed you sixth grade english teacher.

00:23:33.823 --> 00:23:37.808
I got that one, so I love it.

00:23:38.130 --> 00:23:38.990
I totally.

00:23:38.990 --> 00:23:44.226
I don't know if she's listening, but I have a friend, dear friend.

00:23:44.226 --> 00:23:45.590
I've known her since sixth grade.

00:23:45.590 --> 00:23:57.260
We were, we'll say, boyfriend and girlfriend going around that's what we used to call it back then and she broke up with me because I and she told me she's like Jesse, I'm breaking up with you because you're bad for my image.

00:23:57.260 --> 00:23:59.686
We're sixth graders, right Like that.

00:23:59.686 --> 00:24:00.528
That hurt that.

00:24:00.528 --> 00:24:11.829
She's an English teacher now and I do a lot of speaking within the like in the education space for a little bit, publish the book, and so I'm like hey, girl, like how you like me.

00:24:11.849 --> 00:24:17.163
Now it's the competitive.

00:24:17.163 --> 00:24:20.859
We got to get some friends on the board and celebrate them every time we get them.

00:24:20.859 --> 00:24:30.001
Okay, now you said something like this gentleman that you that was like under recruited got a gold medal.

00:24:30.001 --> 00:24:36.088
You saw capability in him that most people missed now.

00:24:36.088 --> 00:24:45.085
Well, so this question is related to that and I'm curious have you ever seen, like, how do you?

00:24:45.085 --> 00:25:00.796
There's the question how do you manage seeing potential within somebody and maybe guiding them, introducing them to it at the rate that they can achieve versus the rate you want them to get?

00:25:00.816 --> 00:25:00.855
it.

00:25:00.855 --> 00:25:02.708
Yeah, it's an important question, man.

00:25:02.708 --> 00:25:14.527
Again, what I love about your question so far is it speaks to your experience of as a leader, working and having these conversations with people, and it's kind of twofold in my response.

00:25:14.527 --> 00:25:18.471
One is how have you gone through that process yourself?

00:25:18.471 --> 00:25:21.789
So how have you actually acknowledged your own potential and worked through it?

00:25:21.789 --> 00:25:34.410
Because you know as well as I do that there's all these folks over the years that we've been on this planet, where you have a leader who's so adamant about getting the best out of everybody else and you want to go well, hey, hey, hey, hey, what about you?

00:25:34.410 --> 00:25:35.704
Because I don't see you.

00:25:35.704 --> 00:25:42.166
You seem so adamant about me, but I want to see you adamant about you, and so for me the potential piece is huge on that.

00:25:42.207 --> 00:25:43.911
So I look back on my life.

00:25:43.911 --> 00:25:50.763
I had hundreds of athletes who I saw potential in that they couldn't see in themselves, and so for me it was always about hey, how am I?

00:25:50.763 --> 00:25:52.529
How am I being that example to them?

00:25:52.529 --> 00:26:00.925
How am I showing them listen, steve is trying to get everything out of himself, and I can do that in ways where I'm not literally telling them that I'm doing it.

00:26:00.925 --> 00:26:02.611
They can just see it being displayed.

00:26:02.611 --> 00:26:13.919
So that's the first part of it, but then the second part of it, too, is are you willing to press pause for long enough to learn what someone's potential might look like?

00:26:13.919 --> 00:26:42.207
Because if you're operating from your perspective, what's probably happening is you're putting your thoughts into what this person's potential is and you might be way off just because you've just not been willing to press pause for long enough to dial in and say, well, actually, now that we talk about it, now that I see, now that I learn, turns out there's this potential in you that I hadn't even considered because I hadn't been willing to press pause for long enough to identify it.

00:26:42.207 --> 00:26:51.071
And that is again when I think, coming from sport, man like you get used to it, especially once you become a coach of.

00:26:51.231 --> 00:26:54.030
Every parent thinks they've got the next Michael Phelps right.

00:26:54.030 --> 00:27:02.510
Every parent thinks their kid's the next Michael Phelps and at a certain point you're like's the next Michael Phelps, and at a certain point you're like I'm sorry, kid's not, and that's hard for you to hear right now.

00:27:02.510 --> 00:27:03.961
But here's what they can be.

00:27:03.961 --> 00:27:09.262
They can still be really, really good, but if you treat them like Michael Phelps, they're going to quit.

00:27:09.262 --> 00:27:11.111
They're not even going to try.

00:27:11.111 --> 00:27:27.747
If you treat them in terms of where their potential truly lies, they're going to go on and have a wonderfully successful, fulfilling career in this, but you've got to want to see it for them and stop wanting to see it for you.

00:27:27.767 --> 00:27:29.269
It's like you're reading my mind.

00:27:29.269 --> 00:27:31.834
You can see all the garbage I've put people through.

00:27:31.834 --> 00:27:35.326
I had one apprentice he was amazing.

00:27:35.326 --> 00:27:39.314
The dude was solid, like just naturally gifted apprentice.

00:27:39.314 --> 00:27:40.000
I was a plumber.

00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:50.163
He was my apprentice and I decided that I was going to coach him through there's like a national craft championship where it's an installation thing and it's national competition.

00:27:50.163 --> 00:28:00.799
He hadn't even started his apprenticeship program but I decided that David was going to be competing in that thing and I was going to help him get there and he was going to be a foreman within three and a half years.

00:28:00.799 --> 00:28:12.586
Like, I mapped this whole thing out for him and after maybe a year of working with me, he quit and we worked together every day.

00:28:12.586 --> 00:28:21.497
We had lunch together and he I had there was no indication that he was going to quit and he quit and he went to work for the school district and I'm like, why would you do that?

00:28:21.497 --> 00:28:24.724
And finally, after he left, he feed me.

00:28:24.724 --> 00:28:27.050
A couple of days later I became able to get ahold of him.

00:28:27.050 --> 00:28:37.153
He's like Jess, you just put too much pressure on me, like, and you never asked me what I wanted to do, and I was like, oh and?

00:28:37.153 --> 00:28:54.904
So there's this thing where I've done it I know some of the L&M family members have done it where we see a glimmer or something that resembles potential in an individual, but we don't take account that maybe we're projecting something A, b.

00:28:55.184 --> 00:29:06.346
Yes, we are seeing something, but what we're seeing is the resources that the individual has and what we would do if we had them.

00:29:06.346 --> 00:29:23.865
And then we try to force them and push them into these nooks and crannies that they're not designed for, or rather, that the nooks and crannies aren't designed to help them thrive and wear them out, whereas what we should be doing is help them become resourceful so that they learn how to access those things.

00:29:23.865 --> 00:29:26.462
And, like you said, the pause right, what else is there?

00:29:26.462 --> 00:29:28.047
Because there's not just one thing.

00:29:28.047 --> 00:29:32.926
So, again, like that's a master, master skill.

00:29:32.926 --> 00:29:34.951
Did you write that skill?

00:29:34.951 --> 00:29:45.520
Like, how did you come to terms with picking that apart and saying, okay, I need to pause, which sounds simple, but I don't think it's simple no, and and what one thing you'll learn.

00:29:45.602 --> 00:29:49.596
One thing I I kind of describe myself as a social scientist like because it's.

00:29:49.596 --> 00:29:58.361
I'm probably doing a little of a disservice to the true meaning of a social scientist when I say that sometimes, but what I mean by that is that I learned through doing.

00:29:58.361 --> 00:30:20.353
I am a graduate of the School of Trial and Error, and for me and I go back every year to renew it too so I look back to when I was 24 and I started volunteering in the summer to coach some swimming with the college team that I just finished swimming with and I was a backstroke swimmer and I would look at the backstrokers and I would just be like I don't get it, why are you not getting what I'm trying to get you to understand?

00:30:20.353 --> 00:30:24.715
Well, I was looking at it through my many, many years of swimming backstroke.

00:30:24.715 --> 00:30:51.067
I wasn't looking at it through any of their years of swimming backstroke, and so for me, I was able to see that quickly, and one thing I've always been very good at again is just that ability to say like hold up intuitively, something's off what you're saying and what they're hearing, or what you're hearing and what they're saying, my intuition's kicking in saying there's something up here, and for me to learn that ability to pause at 24, 25 when I'm working with these athletes and saying, hey, help me understand.

00:30:51.160 --> 00:30:54.402
Going right back to that first answer that I gave you here today what is it you want?

00:30:54.402 --> 00:30:55.163
Why is it you want?

00:30:55.163 --> 00:30:58.246
Why is it you want it and why are you the one that can actually go and do it?

00:30:58.246 --> 00:31:02.390
To have that kind of conversation with someone and then coach them?

00:31:02.390 --> 00:31:08.736
It's just like, oh wow, no longer am I holding you accountable to something that I want for you.

00:31:08.736 --> 00:31:16.651
Now I'm helping you be accountable to what you want, and it's just like let's go, baby, let's go.

00:31:16.810 --> 00:31:22.528
This is when great things happen, because now the accountability is shared, if not owned, by the individual.

00:31:22.528 --> 00:31:24.432
And then you talk about potential.

00:31:24.432 --> 00:31:29.092
You're basing potential on what is right in front of you and what that person wants, and that is.

00:31:29.092 --> 00:31:30.423
That's huge.

00:31:30.423 --> 00:31:32.670
That's really how I've learned things over the years.

00:31:32.670 --> 00:31:46.575
And again to the whole premise of this show man, I am comfortable getting that lesson by taking that misstep, acknowledging the misstep and then coming right back into my own shoes and saying, okay, what did we learn from this and how do we move forward and make it better in the future?

00:31:47.895 --> 00:31:48.520
Yeah, oh.

00:31:48.520 --> 00:31:50.327
So a couple of things.

00:31:50.327 --> 00:31:58.814
I love what you said in that you're not holding them accountable, You're helping holding them accountable.

00:31:58.814 --> 00:31:59.617
You're helping them be accountable.

00:31:59.637 --> 00:32:11.681
A lot of people know I have a hangup about the word accountability and the way we use it or the way we think about it, because it's almost always coming from a punitive perspective, in that we don't hold people accountable.

00:32:11.681 --> 00:32:13.344
You can't.

00:32:13.344 --> 00:32:20.240
You can't hold me accountable to any commitment I haven't made, which speaks to what you just said.

00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:26.094
If I've made a commitment, you can help me be accountable to my commitments.

00:32:26.094 --> 00:32:28.305
If you want accountability, be accountable.

00:32:28.305 --> 00:32:32.020
It doesn't work any other way, or at least not in Jesse land.

00:32:32.020 --> 00:32:34.023
So thank you for that Super, super good.

00:32:34.023 --> 00:32:52.726
Now the other thing that comes through is I feel like you have a very developed muscle for introspection and evaluating your motives and the impact they're having on the experience you're having in the moment.

00:32:52.726 --> 00:32:55.166
Is that something that you built?

00:32:55.166 --> 00:32:56.063
Did you?

00:32:56.063 --> 00:32:57.749
How did you build that?

00:32:57.749 --> 00:33:00.930
Or is it something that just kind of man, I got lucky and I used the hell out of it?

00:33:01.140 --> 00:33:02.786
Well, I have no doubt that God blessed me with it.

00:33:02.786 --> 00:33:03.788
There's no doubt about that.

00:33:03.788 --> 00:33:05.325
It freaks people out.

00:33:05.325 --> 00:33:18.834
Sometimes, I'll be honest with you, I can be having a very surface level conversation with someone and we're about five minutes in and we've only known each other for five minutes, and they'll say something and my intuition will kick in right away and I'll say something to them and they're just like how could you possibly sort of read that?

00:33:18.834 --> 00:33:30.132
Like how did you and I like to play with people at times when it comes to that, have a little bit of fun, but as a coach, it's a superpower, no doubt it allows me to really be in a room with someone, pick up on body language, pick up on energy.

00:33:31.762 --> 00:33:50.163
All this kind of stuff is a skill that you must practice and it's that willingness to sometimes maybe think that you're being intuitive and speak to something and be comfortable knowing that when you speak to it, someone's going to turn around and say, no, that's not what I'm feeling at all, and it's like okay, that's great, my intuition was wrong.

00:33:50.163 --> 00:33:58.412
Now I know better, moving forwards, and what I now know is that, based on our relationship, I can now be intuitive more effectively with you.

00:33:58.412 --> 00:34:02.971
You know again, I'm a married man you use too much intuition with your wife.

00:34:02.971 --> 00:34:05.123
You end up in the doghouse.

00:34:05.123 --> 00:34:09.181
Real often it's just like hey, check in and ask the question, don't like.

00:34:09.181 --> 00:34:12.693
And again, there's a very fine line between intuition and assumption.

00:34:12.693 --> 00:34:17.525
I believe the fine line is the ability to speak on it versus act on it.

00:34:17.525 --> 00:34:24.686
So the intuition piece you speak on, the assumption piece you just go and act on and that usually ends up in trouble.

00:34:24.686 --> 00:34:25.199
Again.

00:34:25.240 --> 00:34:36.275
Going back to my education in communication, I do believe that degree served me, even in the sports world, because it allowed me just to really honor that two people have to be involved in communication.

00:34:36.275 --> 00:34:37.963
Communication is not communication.

00:34:37.963 --> 00:34:40.688
If it's one way, it has to be two ways, you know.

00:34:40.688 --> 00:34:48.300
And so again, like getting an athlete to actually say yes, coach, and this I understand, coach, and all this kind of thing, as opposed to scream and then walk away.

00:34:48.300 --> 00:34:50.769
So for me that is huge.

00:34:50.769 --> 00:35:01.509
But I think that fine line, when we start to notice that we're acting without communicating, that's when we move away from that intuition and we now moved into assumption and typically, well, we know what a suit is right.

00:35:01.509 --> 00:35:03.565
It makes you an ass out of you and me.

00:35:03.565 --> 00:35:05.043
So there you go right there.

00:35:05.585 --> 00:35:07.884
Yes, yes, Okay.

00:35:07.884 --> 00:35:13.469
So I perused your website and I noticed like there was like a four-step thing.

00:35:13.469 --> 00:35:17.625
It was a framework, a process, I'm not sure, but it was curiosity.

00:35:17.625 --> 00:35:20.684
The first thing that stood out to me was curiosity.

00:35:20.684 --> 00:35:29.273
What's the relationship between this intuition and speaking on it and curiosity in terms of how you serve your clients?

00:35:30.061 --> 00:35:31.302
Yeah, again, curiosity.

00:35:31.302 --> 00:35:43.251
It's such an underutilized skill because I believe that there's a point in our lives when we're kids and we're going through school and everything is play, play, play, play, play right.

00:35:43.251 --> 00:35:44.882
And I've got a four-year-old boy.

00:35:44.882 --> 00:35:49.277
He, all he does is play and his curiosity is off the charts.

00:35:49.577 --> 00:36:07.751
And as we go through education, curiosity not to make this a completely different conversation, but the fact is, curiosity is kind of slowly made smaller and smaller, squeeze out of us because we're told it's this test, this is right, this is wrong, all this kind of stuff, and our mind goes in that direction, understandably so.

00:36:07.751 --> 00:36:11.648
And so the question becomes how are you working that curiosity muscle?

00:36:11.648 --> 00:36:29.137
It's a muscle, it's like any other of these traits that we've talked about today is what does it mean to be curious but actually intentionally be curious, to wonder, to ask questions that typically you would maybe keep quiet and not keep to yourself because you're too scared about asking the question, whatever it may be.

00:36:29.137 --> 00:36:32.626
And so curiosity, I believe in the coaching world.

00:36:32.626 --> 00:36:36.653
What that does for me is it makes it about the person, it doesn't make it about me.

00:36:37.121 --> 00:36:38.206
If I'm truly curious.

00:36:38.206 --> 00:36:47.088
Again, I'm not assuming I'm asking questions, I want to better understand, I want to know, and I'm not doing it for my own purpose, because I don't think that's curiosity.

00:36:47.088 --> 00:36:55.280
Curiosity is to truly understand, based on another person, whoever it may be, or another situation, whatever that may be.

00:36:55.280 --> 00:37:07.166
So I think, for me, the reason I put it right there, square and center on my website website's about to get a huge upgrade through my rebrand and all this kind of thing but curiosity is one of these three Cs that I utilize in my coaching.

00:37:07.166 --> 00:37:16.547
And it's the first C, because without curiosity, the other two Cs, which are challenging and commitments, those two don't make sense if we don't start with curiosity.

00:37:18.539 --> 00:37:23.092
Which again frees us from the pitfalls of assumptions.

00:37:23.092 --> 00:37:36.722
To be curious means I'm not going to act on my assumptions, and it's one thing that I like to spend a lot of time is like whenever I'm in the right space, because I don't do it all the time, but it's OK, I'm making a decision.

00:37:36.722 --> 00:37:40.150
I want to respond in a certain way based on this set of assumptions.

00:37:40.150 --> 00:37:41.092
I know I have assumptions.

00:37:41.092 --> 00:37:43.802
Why do I think that?

00:37:43.802 --> 00:37:45.927
Where is that assumption coming from?

00:37:45.927 --> 00:37:48.172
Because it may not be right.

00:37:48.172 --> 00:37:54.972
Most often, like you said earlier, it's not, and so that requires a huge, huge degree of curiosity.

00:37:54.972 --> 00:38:08.023
Now, with your clients, the curiosity might feel like this squishy kind of Disneyland type of notion.

00:38:08.023 --> 00:38:19.960
And you're serving high performers, people that have significant responsibility, significant authority and influence, so curiosity feels kind of squishy.

00:38:19.960 --> 00:38:27.181
And then you also mentioned earlier a delineation between balance and alignment.

00:38:27.181 --> 00:38:28.664
Yeah, alignment.

00:38:28.664 --> 00:38:38.570
And so how do people respond to that when you're interacting with your clients and you're saying, well, no, no, no, not balance, alignment and curiosity, what does that feel like for you?

00:38:38.931 --> 00:38:45.835
I love that notice because, again, curiosity it's not much of a skill if we don't know why or what we're being curious toward.

00:38:45.835 --> 00:38:51.291
There's still so much to be better framed and articulated and created within the coaching world.

00:38:51.291 --> 00:38:55.119
The coaching world remains this kind of big bag of gray right now.

00:38:55.119 --> 00:39:02.273
People just sort of maybe they get an attaboy about how they recently dealt with another colleague and they're like, hey, you could be a coach.

00:39:02.273 --> 00:39:04.840
And suddenly now this person's on LinkedIn saying that they're a coach.

00:39:04.840 --> 00:39:12.978
And sadly, that is the space that the coaching world is right now, that there's not much of a process to actually define what a coach is and what a coach isn't.

00:39:13.469 --> 00:39:27.940
For me, the curiosity piece and the alignment piece, you couldn't have connected better one-two punch of what I do as a coach, because the first thing we do whenever I work with anyone is we go through what's called a strategic alignment and it's like, hey, this is where we are.

00:39:27.940 --> 00:39:31.465
Let's get super clear on where we want to get to Now.

00:39:31.465 --> 00:39:32.253
We're not going to get again.

00:39:32.253 --> 00:39:33.782
Like I said before, there's no straight line.

00:39:33.782 --> 00:39:36.875
We're not going to get focused about perfection, it's about direction.

00:39:36.875 --> 00:39:38.659
It's not about perfection, it's about direction.

00:39:38.659 --> 00:39:47.500
So that's the destination, this is the current state, and all I want to know is what is the commitment towards getting over here at some point to the destination?

00:39:47.500 --> 00:39:52.612
Once we're clear on that, now the curiosity is towards how do we get there?

00:39:52.612 --> 00:40:02.938
Not just about, hey, how do I work on this or how do I work on that, or something came in my email today and I'm really curious about what that might mean for my life and I'm like, well, what does that have to do with anything that we're working on right now?

00:40:02.938 --> 00:40:15.297
It's like I'm not here just to sort of hypothesize and wonder and generalize when you brought me in to go from here and achieve this specific direction.

00:40:15.318 --> 00:40:23.737
Ideally, if we are so aligned in that agreement on the front end, then all the curiosity is being held accountable to that destination.

00:40:23.737 --> 00:40:43.358
And so, again, it's why, for me, part of my curiosity and challenge and commitment is that every commitment we make, once we go through curiosity and I challenge you around the curiosity once we make a commitment, one of my sort of absolute non-negotiables is that that commitment must bring us back around to curiosity.

00:40:43.358 --> 00:40:57.871
So, whatever you achieve, whatever you achieve in that commitment by going away and doing it in the time between when I saw you last and when I see you next, if we've not come back with greater curiosity by pursuing that commitment, it's the wrong commitment.

00:40:57.871 --> 00:41:04.563
If it takes us just to, hey, check it off the list, okay, now what, coach?

00:41:04.563 --> 00:41:06.454
That's not serving the process.

00:41:07.378 --> 00:41:19.530
Great thing is that, hey, sometimes you're going to make a commitment and you're not going to follow through with it, and that's okay, because we can come back and then be super curious about well, hey, you sounded super excited about this commitment last time we spoke and then you've done nothing about it.

00:41:19.530 --> 00:41:20.653
Let's talk about that.

00:41:20.653 --> 00:41:22.798
Yeah, are we aligned?

00:41:22.798 --> 00:41:24.021
Are we off or whatever it might be?

00:41:24.021 --> 00:41:26.295
And so again, the curiosity in the alignment piece.

00:41:26.295 --> 00:41:52.675
Man, you couldn't have hit it better, like in terms of those two truly working using that word in alignment, but they're collaborating with one another throughout the process, because where we're aligned in terms of the strategy and the vision, we're going to constantly be curious towards that vision man, it's a beautiful reinforcing loop and if it's not having that cycle, that reciprocal effect, then that's a signal.

00:41:52.735 --> 00:41:55.612
Well, maybe we need to go a different direction, maybe we pick the wrong direction.

00:41:55.612 --> 00:41:59.626
Oh my goodness, thank you for that, because that excites me.

00:41:59.626 --> 00:42:04.097
There's questions that I run through my head, especially when I'm stuck.

00:42:04.097 --> 00:42:07.324
I'm wondering, so I'd like a check from you.

00:42:07.324 --> 00:42:10.099
Does this kind of land in the curiosity bucket?

00:42:10.099 --> 00:42:23.858
One of the questions I ask myself is what is also true, what could I do to address the issue and what's the worst thing that can happen?

00:42:26.150 --> 00:42:30.840
I'm writing these down, man, we're doing a little impromptu coaching session now.

00:42:30.840 --> 00:42:51.338
So what I would say about that is that there is no doubt that that is moving towards curiosity, and there's almost an opportunity to see it to add one more thing to that of just like always running it through the filter of the other, and again, I'm sure you're doing that to an extent but to say, like what is also true, what could I do differently or better?

00:42:51.338 --> 00:42:52.769
And then what's the worst thing that could happen?

00:42:52.769 --> 00:43:08.581
And I think, with that curiosity, when we make it only about ourselves and typically people like yourself and those working in high performance, there is some sort of collateral damage to every decision that's made, right, yes, so again, that is such an important part of this piece is that?

00:43:08.581 --> 00:43:24.503
And it's what I love about the work that I do, as opposed to just working with one member of an executive team, I work with the entire executive team, and so when one member of the executive team is speaking to something in a group environment, we then get to get into the really powerful good stuff, because we're now talking about it.

00:43:24.744 --> 00:43:26.610
Okay, I hear what you're saying.

00:43:26.610 --> 00:43:30.318
Hey, other four, what are you hearing when you hear that?

00:43:30.318 --> 00:43:35.059
And it's just like well, I don't think you're hearing it from the perspective of our department or from this section of the company.

00:43:35.059 --> 00:43:36.353
Okay, let's talk to that.

00:43:36.353 --> 00:43:38.161
Let's get curious about that piece of this.

00:43:38.161 --> 00:43:40.269
How can we see it from every single angle?

00:43:40.269 --> 00:43:59.474
And so like that for me is, if we can do that and I know you're working with people where there's always going to be that knock-on effect to the work that you're doing, and I have no doubt that you're already considering that but to be really intentional about that piece of just hey, what is that knock-on effect of anything that we're talking about, that commitment that you're going to go away and do?

00:43:59.474 --> 00:44:01.179
Awesome, really excited about it.

00:44:01.179 --> 00:44:02.813
Let's just check in before we go.

00:44:02.813 --> 00:44:05.958
Is there a potential knock-on effect that we're not considering?

00:44:06.179 --> 00:44:20.041
Yeah, yeah, thank you for that, because full transparency I don't do that as often as I should and I end up like, oh, I created problems, this is my fault, I did it again.

00:44:20.409 --> 00:44:22.110
And I want to be and just to be clear.

00:44:22.110 --> 00:44:28.619
I love that vulnerability on your part to even share that with your listeners, and I always try to make this clear in any of these kind of interviews.

00:44:28.619 --> 00:44:31.483
This is not me speaking from a position of perfection.

00:44:31.483 --> 00:44:33.626
I cannot be any more clear about that.

00:44:33.626 --> 00:44:41.112
Just because I'm speaking to this and the service and the impact and the value that I bring as a coach, as a speaker, however you want to look at it doesn't mean that I'm crushing it.

00:44:41.213 --> 00:44:52.905
When it comes to all of this, all of this, all of this I said it before it's a muscle and there's so many elements of what we've talked about here today that involves the training, the testing and the trust of the muscle.

00:44:52.905 --> 00:44:54.405
How do you train the muscle?

00:44:54.405 --> 00:45:05.721
How do you test the muscle and then build trust in the muscle so that the majority of the time it's going to serve you well and that's what I've been able to do the majority of the time it serves me very well.

00:45:05.721 --> 00:45:08.690
Do I still make missteps 100%?

00:45:08.690 --> 00:45:10.858
And am I going to keep making them Absolutely?

00:45:10.858 --> 00:45:11.512
And I think that's.

00:45:11.512 --> 00:45:13.217
I just want to give that encouragement to everybody.

00:45:13.217 --> 00:45:15.173
It's like all of this stuff that I'm saying.

00:45:15.173 --> 00:45:17.539
This is not plug and play and you've got it figured out.

00:45:17.539 --> 00:45:18.463
No, no, no, no, no.

00:45:18.463 --> 00:45:26.581
This is a consistent training process so that over time you can keep developing that trust around all of this kind of stuff.

00:45:27.862 --> 00:45:29.485
Yeah, man, got to get the reps in.

00:45:29.485 --> 00:45:35.514
Keep at it, keep on keeping on and learn from the missteps, learn from the bumps and the scrapes.

00:45:35.514 --> 00:45:41.615
So, before we get into the closing question, steve, where can people find me?

00:45:41.615 --> 00:45:44.342
I'm sure people are fired up right now, like Jesse.

00:45:44.342 --> 00:45:47.876
Would you just ask them how we can get a hold of them, because I'm tired of listening to you.

00:45:47.876 --> 00:45:51.603
So where should people go to find you, interact with you, and so forth?

00:45:54.489 --> 00:45:58.731
Yeah, I don't know when this is going out, but I will say this I'm about to do a huge rebrand Everything that you heard in the introduction.

00:45:58.731 --> 00:46:00.092
Growth Ready is coming.

00:46:00.092 --> 00:46:03.277
Growth Ready is not what my company was about a month or two ago.

00:46:03.277 --> 00:46:04.237
I've changed the name.

00:46:04.237 --> 00:46:07.702
It was Career Competitor as my company's grown and my clients have grown.

00:46:07.702 --> 00:46:16.416
Growth Ready speaks a lot more to what the work I'm doing now, and so the podcast was the first thing that changed.

00:46:16.436 --> 00:46:17.521
So the Growth Ready podcast is a great place to start.

00:46:17.521 --> 00:46:19.971
You're going to find incredible guests like Jesse on there where you can go check out and listen.

00:46:19.971 --> 00:46:23.596
Got to give you the shout out, but then, from that point on, LinkedIn is my favorite.

00:46:23.596 --> 00:46:27.380
Got to give you the shout out, but then from that point on, link Mala on next.

00:46:27.380 --> 00:46:30.985
I love hearing from people how anything that I said maybe be of impact.

00:46:30.985 --> 00:46:34.818
If you've got any curiosity about you know just what I can do, how I do it, all that kind of stuff.

00:46:34.818 --> 00:46:47.954
Steve at growthreadycom Super simple, Reach out to me there, Otherwise all my handles at coach Steve Mala you can find me on pretty much anywhere else that way too.

00:46:47.974 --> 00:46:48.657
So Awesome, oh, thank you for that.

00:46:48.657 --> 00:46:49.822
And, folks, I'm going to have all the links.

00:46:49.822 --> 00:46:54.177
We'll have them down in the in the thing so that you can click and connect with Steve.

00:46:54.177 --> 00:46:56.202
And so now here's the closing question.

00:46:56.202 --> 00:46:57.150
You ready, bring it.

00:46:57.150 --> 00:47:00.918
You've had an amazing life, steve and and I.

00:47:00.918 --> 00:47:10.797
What I really really appreciate is you've taken those experiences, those lessons, and you're pouring them into other people, I mean even me.

00:47:10.797 --> 00:47:31.545
When you and I had the first conversation on the podcast on your podcast I felt like a champ because of the honor and care and attention that you gave me, and so, having had those effects and the impact and contributions you've made to so many lives thus far, I imagine your answer is going to be amazing.

00:47:31.545 --> 00:47:35.054
And so here's the question what is the promise?

00:47:35.054 --> 00:47:37.320
You are intended to be?

00:47:38.512 --> 00:47:40.378
What is the promise that I'm intended to be.

00:47:40.378 --> 00:47:45.760
You know I'm going to answer that.

00:47:45.760 --> 00:47:52.094
I'm going to answer that with really what has brought me to this point.

00:47:52.094 --> 00:48:00.313
Okay, so firstly, just thank you for everything that you just said, because, believe it or not, that experience that I provide, I see it as an experience when people come on my podcast and just to throw it right back at you.

00:48:00.313 --> 00:48:02.590
This has been nothing but an incredible experience for me too.

00:48:02.590 --> 00:48:11.481
But I have this term that I coined when I finished some coaching and I started my business and I started to get creative around words and terminology and things like that.

00:48:11.730 --> 00:48:32.181
I had this thing called the optimal self, and for me and I mentioned it in the book too it's like too often in life, we are given the five reasons not to and it takes our attention away from the one reason that we should, and that is why I wake up every day, literally.

00:48:32.181 --> 00:48:33.983
I got kids.

00:48:33.983 --> 00:48:45.155
Now I got a wife, and I know in the four walls of my house, I can help them see the one reason to do something, as opposed to focus too much on the four or five reasons not to.

00:48:45.155 --> 00:48:46.793
So that's how I get to do it close to home.

00:48:46.793 --> 00:48:49.099
And then I'm a spiritual guy too.

00:48:49.099 --> 00:48:50.762
I get to do that through my church too.

00:48:50.762 --> 00:48:55.672
I get to help people, encourage people through that too, and then any client that I work with it's the same.

00:48:55.692 --> 00:49:14.342
So any listener that's listening to this right now, it's all I want to tell you is that you will always have way more reasons not to than you will to do something, and in order to pursue your optimal self, you have to focus on the one reason why and find a reason to push away the four or five reasons not to.

00:49:14.342 --> 00:49:26.518
And that is my promise to anyone and everyone that I interact with through my life is that if you give me one reason to buy into you and believe in you and to support you, you are going to get all of Steve and nothing else.

00:49:26.518 --> 00:49:33.436
But if you just want to focus on the four or five reasons not to, chances are I'm going to try to bring your attention to the one reason.

00:49:33.436 --> 00:49:35.365
But that is my promise, brother.

00:49:35.365 --> 00:49:47.811
I love the question because for me, my promise to anyone and everyone is that if you want to be in my world, because I want to be in yours, let's focus and talk about what it means to pursue your optimal self, because that is a life worth living right there.

00:49:50.356 --> 00:49:56.373
Amen, and that's going to help people share their gifts and talents with the rest of the world.

00:49:56.373 --> 00:50:01.871
So again that reciprocal, exponential, beautiful amazingness, Steve.

00:50:01.871 --> 00:50:03.474
Thank you, man, Did you have a good time?

00:50:03.976 --> 00:50:05.119
Brother, I had an incredible time.

00:50:05.119 --> 00:50:08.219
I had an incredible time mainly because you, my friend, are incredible.

00:50:08.219 --> 00:50:16.458
Your energy is phenomenal, your intentions are real and the people in your world I have no doubt see that and appreciate that all the time.

00:50:16.458 --> 00:50:19.692
So I just appreciate your time as much as the opportunity to be here.